Are You Really Saving Money by Not Hiring an Attorney?

Sometimes there are good reasons to not spend money. Maybe you don't have much money available. Maybe you are worried about the total commitment once you start spending. Maybe you think it is unnecessary to spend the money.

For important matters, the reasons to spend should outweigh the reasons to not spend. That's not always the case, however. 

If you are facing a divorce or other legal issue, the possible outcomes are so serious you should usually go with the option to hire an attorney for help.

In weighing things to make that decision, maybe you should consider, "what can go wrong" if you don't work with an attorney.  Let me list a few ways.

1.  Your Petition could omit an important issue. It might be retirement, real estate or separate property. Those can be significant factors and could cost you a lot of money.

2.  The Decree could omit something. It might be payment of medical bills, support start dates, assets or many other things.

3.  You might give up more than you should. You might divide your separate property. You could agree something is your spouse's separate property when you don't need to. You might give up retirement earned before or after the marriage, and that's not necessary.

4.  You might trigger tax consequences you did not expect.

5.  You could lose your homestead rights if the real estate is not handled correctly.

6.  Alimony might be omitted even when it is needed and justified or you might pay too much for the circumstances.

7.  You might not get a proper order dividing the retirement accounts.

8.  In negotiating, you might cut off the community estate too soon and lose out on property.

9.  You might end up negotiating without sufficient knowledge of the facts, possibilities and common terms for settlement.

10. Negotiations could turn into a protracted battle with your spouse, a very unpleasant and unproductive situation for you and your spouse.

These are common situations for people representing themselves. They are also very avoidable. These are matters that could impact the rest of your life, including your retirement years. Wouldn't you hate to look back later and wish you had worked with a lawyer to get a better deal?

This is not like the old commercial with the tag line, "Pay me now or pay me later". Here, it's closer to "Pay now or lose out forever.".  You can't undo the property division terms of the divorce decree.

You need to do it right the first time.  On legal matters, you should consult with an experienced attorney to learn the issues and plan your strategy for the best possible outcome.

Can One Attorney Represent Both Parties in a Divorce?

NO!!!

Attorneys are trained to see both sides of an issue. Experienced attorneys have represented someone on each side of most common issues, but not at the same time and not opposing each other.

Here's a simple example.  If the parties own a house and each one wants it, there's no way to simultaneously help both parties try to end up with the house.

That happens on all the issues:  Custody, visitation, child support, dividing the assets, dividing the bills, who pays the taxes, and on and on.


Why does the issue come up? 

• People want to save money. 
• They think a divorce is simpler than it is.  
• They may have agreed on all issues, except one or two. 
•  Or, sometimes one spouse will approach the other spouse and suggest that they can both use the first spouse's attorney who is a nice and friendly person.  It doesn't matter how nice the attorney is, the attorney cannot represent both parties.

An attorney can tell you what a Judge might do in a certain situation, but that might not be satisfactory to at least one of the parties.

Bottom Line:  An attorney cannot ethically represent both parties against each other.  If you think you and your spouse hired an attorney to represent both of you, you are mistaken and someone will probably end up unhappy.  The attorney will only be working for one of you. You need to make sure you hire your own attorney.

Tuesday Tips: Listening Well

Do You Hear What I Hear?

When a client meets with an attorney for the first time, the client is often stressed and emotional.  That's natural. Many clients have later reported that they can't remember what was said or done at the meeting.

If you're that client, what can you do?  There are several things you can try.

• Make a list of questions and issues before the meeting.
• Tell the attorney that you are nervous and may need help keeping everything straight.
• Make detailed notes of the discussion. 
• Put away your phone so you aren't interrupted.  
• Concentrate on the discussions we are having.
• Ask questions and get clarifications as you go.
• At the end, review the issues and answers with the attorney.

If you really work on your listening skills, it will help you achieve whatever legal goals you have in mind.  (Of course, you will have to act on the discussions as well.)  Good luck!

Tuesday Tip: Efficiency

Avoiding Phone Tag

Everyone knows how unproductive telephone tag is, not to mention frustrating.  At one time or another, we all get caught up in calling, missing the other person, leaving a message, waiting for a return call and missing the return call, and then starting over.

Here are three things you can do to short-circuit phone tag.  (1) Leave a specific message .That is, say what you were planning to say.  Don't stop after name and number. (2) Talk with your attorney's assistant if the attorney is not available.  Often, the assistant can answer your questions.  (3) If the assistant can't immediately answer your question, let him./her call you back with the answer or information you need.

Don't get locked into the pointless exercise of telephone tag!  Save time and money.

Tuesday Tip: Phone Calls

Plan Ahead

If you want to save some time and money on your divorce, plan your phone calls to your lawyer before you pick up a phone. Organize your thoughts.  Write down all the questions you can think of.  Try to figure out solutions ahead of time and then you can discuss them with your lawyer. Sometimes it's hard to reach your attorney by phone, so make each call count!

What Does it Take to Finish?

A couple of days ago, I got a call from a woman who was upset because her divorce was taking a long time to finish.  She had an attorney (not me), but was thinking about changing because the divorce wasn't finished up. She thought by now, it should be over.

I found out that she had filed, temporary orders had been made, they had completed discovery by responding to the requests of each party and both parties wanted the divorce to be over with.  I guess she thought everything would easily fall into place.

The missing ingredient seems to be "agreement".  Without that, it will take longer to finish.  

Here's what people in that situation should expect:

• The attorneys will go to Court and prepare a scheduling order with deadlines and a final trial date.  Normally included in the schedule is mediation, a very effective way to settle the case.
• Mediation can be set up soon since discovery has been finished.  If they were still missing some information, the attorneys would probably hold off setting the mediation until the information is produced.  It's hard to mediate and settle with incomplete information.
• Reach agreement.  This is usually accomplished at mediation or in follow-up negotiations.  

Then as they say on TV, "but wait, there's more":

• Paperwork.  There's a final decree or court order.  It's usually very detailed, so it's enforceable.  There may be a wage assignment form and some other forms the attorneys prepare that you don't have to deal with.  There may be a deed or deeds, a power of attorney to change a car title and some other miscellaneous papers to be signed.  Even though attorneys deal with these documents all the time, it is still time consuming to produce and proofread them.
• Prove-up.  One or both parties, with attorneys, will appear at court to briefly prove-up the divorce.  It's a simple hearing, but the Judge needs to hear testimony in most cases to be able to sign the papers.

If you don't reach agreement in mediation, you will have to wait longer for resolution.  Your trial date is very often 9 months to a year after the date of the scheduling conference at Court. After a trial, you still have to do all the paperwork and then get it signed.

By the way, her divorce had only been on file for about 3 months when she called me.  I had to tell her that her divorce was still a very young one, that if they didn't agree, it would probably take another 6-12 months to get to trial.

If you're in a hurry,  you need to settle. 

What's My Worst Possible Outcome?

In almost every attorney-client relationship, there needs to be more and better communication. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), attorneys can't read their clients' minds.  We can sometimes anticipate questions, but we can't always provide reassurance and information without being asked questions.

At some point in almost every case, a client will wonder what the worst outcome could be for their case.  Some people think if they know what the worst is, they can prepare for it, while hoping for a better result.  They don't want to be surprised.  While it seems like a reasonable question, it's really the wrong question.

What's the worst that could happen in a divorce?  You could lose all your assets, including things you inherited or had before the marriage; you could be saddled with all the debt; you could lose custody of the kids; you might have to pay exorbitant child support;  you might have little or no visitation; and you might have to pay everyone's attorney's fees.

What's the worst that could happen in a suit to modify a prior order?   Your request could be denied; you might end up with an order limiting your time with the children, paying exorbitant child support and owing money to the other party.  You can also be ordered to pay everyone's attorney's fees.

What's the worst that could happen in an enforcement case?  You could go to jail.  You could owe the other parent a lot of money.  Your access to the child could be restricted.  You could owe everyone's attorney's fees.

Do you see the trend here?  Asking for the worst outcomes will get you some very scary outcomes.

The better questions are something like: 

• What is the realistic range of options for what can happen in my case? 
• Given the facts of my case, what is the Judge likely to do?
• What can I expect if I go to Court?
•  How does a case like this usually work out in this Court?
•  What do you think you can work out with the other attorney?

After you get information from your attorney, follow up with questions about what can be done to get you closer to your objectives.

Finally, keep up the conversation as you go along.  Don't make this a one-time request.  Outcomes may change as the facts change or are developed.  Keep in touch with your attorney so he/she can better help you.  Good Luck!

Do You Need an Attorney for a Temporary Orders Hearing?

Yes!

This will be a short post.  I hear from people all the time who have gotten served with papers and went to a Temporary Hearing without an attorney.

Why without an attorney?  It usually is a lack of money, short notice or not knowing who to contact. 

What can happen?  You can be kicked out of the house.  You may lose custody even if you have been the primary or sole care provider for the children.  You may not get the child support or spousal support you need.  You may get stuck paying a lot of bills.  You may have restrictions put on you relating to the children or where you live or what you get to use while the divorce is pending.   And many other bad things can happen.

Why does that happen?  Because you don't have someone to speak for you who knows the law, the court rules and the procedures.  Judges try to be fair and helpful to everyone, but they have very little time for each case on their docket and there's no time to explain everything to you.  Also, Judges have to be impartial, so they can't do things for you.

Can you get the problems changed later?  Maybe, maybe not.  The sooner you act, the better.

What can you do?  You really need to hire an attorney.  Even if your spouse says he/she wants to work everything out, you need an attorney. You should hire an attorney before the first hearing.  If you don't have time, ask the Judge for more time.  They will often give you a week or so to hire an attorney.  You should take the process seriously because there are serious consequences.  This is not a good time to do it yourself.

What if you can't afford an attorney?  The stakes are so high, you need to find a way.  Courts generally won't appoint an attorney for you.  You should borrow money from friends, relatives, a bank or wherever else you can think of.  You can usually put attorney's fees on a credit card.  This is so important, you need to find a way to pay for an attorney so you really don't lose out.

When you are going to court, please don't try to do it without an attorney!

Why You Shouldn't Be a Jerk!

Some people just can't help it.  They are jerks.  I prefer to think that anyone and everyone can behave well if they choose to.  For some, it takes a lot of concentration, and then some occasional backtracking to undo an initially rude or inappropriate reaction.  I believe that almost everyone can act right, if encouraged and reminded, and if they understand it is in their own best interest.

In general, everyone will need a favor, such as getting a hearing reset, an agreement to allow more time to respond to something, leniency or the benefit of the doubt.  Jerks don't often get the favors.  

Here are some specific ways being a jerk can affect you in the legal system.

1.  You may face stronger opposition from the other side.  They are less understanding or forgiving.  If you (figuratively) slap them in the face, they probably won't turn the other cheek in litigation.  Mad people fight back!

2.  The Judge won't like you.  The Judge is bound to follow the law, but he/she is not a robot.  There will always be matters, especially in Family Law, where the Judge is allowed a wide range of discretion to decide outcomes.  You need the Judge to like you when he/she is deciding property division, allocation of bills, support, visitation and other issues. Like it or not, most legal decisions are not precise applications of the law which produce mechanical results.  Most decisions are discretionary.  You don't need to fight the Judge.

3.  Other important officials who don't wear robes may not like you.  Humans fill the roles of court clerks, court coordinators, bailiffs, child support office workers, employees of the Domestic Relations Office and employees of the Texas Attorney General's Office.  You may not ever think about some of them, but they see, know and talk about you (that's not just paranoia) and they can influence how easy or how difficult your life is in the future.  You are better off if they don't remember you, because they normally just remember the "problems".

4.  Your own attorney may not stick around.  Most attorneys are busy.  Very few want to waste time and put up with aggravation from a difficult client.  

5.  It will be harder to find witnesses and allies willing to help you out.  Forcing someone to come to court and testify is usually a bad idea.  Yous want voluntary witnesses.  You want people coming forward and wanting to help you out.  An ungrateful, vindictive, mean person usually has a hard time getting help from others.

Bonus Point:  The more you fight, the longer it will take and the more it will cost.  Don't complain about those things if you choose to be a jerk!

Choosing a Compatible Attorney

Family law litigation is one of the most serious and important activities you can participate in. A few people try to handle such matters without an attorney, but that is generally ill advised. The issues are rarely simple and common sense often isn't enough to navigate through the court system.

If you are facing divorce or other family law litigation, you have to decide either to hire an attorney to assist you or to take a chance on handling the matter yourself. People who haven't worked with lawyers before often struggle in finding the right attorney for their situation. If you are in that situation, here are some tips for choosing the right attorney.

1. Have your objectives in mind. You need to look at the big picture first. In broad terms, what are your needs or concerns? For example, do you want...

• A fair outcome: property division, custody, visitation or child support terms that are reasonably equal or proportionate.
• To punish your spouse. You may want retribution if your spouse cheated on you, which could happen in various ways.
• An easy divorce. You may not want to fight over things.
• A cheap divorce. You might need to keep the cost as low as possible.
• A money-is-no-object divorce. For the record, from my point of view, that is virtually always a mistake. People almost always come to their senses and put the brakes on the spending.
• To slow down. You may not be emotionally ready for divorce and you may want to slow down the process and draw out the procedures.
• Get it over quickly. You may be ready to finish the divorce even before it's filed. (FYI -- you can't do that.)
• Need help starting over. You may have accepted the idea of getting a divorce, but you may not be fully prepared for your new life. Maybe you need time, training, income, new job, a place to live, etc. Starting a new life is not easy.
• A Collaborative divorce. You may want to work with a Collaborative Law team to have a civilized, private divorce where you find creative solutions to your issues. You would need a trained Collaborative lawyer for this.
  

2. Get recommendations and research on line. Every attorney should have a web site by now. Look for ratings that are available from various source. Check for useful information on the web site about the issues that concern you. Look at their qualifications. Are they Board Certified? How much experience do they have? If the attorney has written anything that is published on line, read it to get a feel for the attorney. Do you like what you read?

3. Meet with one or more attorneys. Have a clear idea of what outcome you are looking for. Write down questions in advance and take them with you. Observe whether the attorney listens to you or just talks about himself or herself. Make sure there's good chemistry. Do you feel comfortable with the attorney? Make sure the attorney fees are compatible with your budget as well.

Conclusions:

• There are many good attorneys available with different pricing and different approaches. You won't hurt the attorney's feelings if you choose someone else. You have the right to choose whomever you want. You don't have to choose the first one you see or hear about. Shop around. It's OK to interview several and then decide.
• Make sure the attorney's approach is consistent with what you want. You probably shouldn't hire an attorney who listens a little and then starts telling you what you want.
• Make sure the chemistry feels right. The intangible factors can make a big difference. If something doesn't feel right, go with that feeling. Likewise, if you feel very comfortable with an attorney, that's a good reason to hire that one.
  

Finding an attorney who is compatible with you is a key element in obtaining the best possible outcome for you in family law litigation.

10 Tips for Enhancing Your Relationship with Your Attorney

Hiring an attorney and joining in litigation (or Collaboration) is a serious matter. I, and others, have written about how to choose an attorney to hire. After you have crossed that threshold, both you and your attorney should work to maintain a good working relationship.

In the interest of better serving clients, here is a list of 10 tips for keeping and improving your relationship with your legal representative.

1. Listen to your attorney. Pretty much, you should tune out your family and friends who are offering their best legal advice for you. Your attorney is better qualified and more experienced.

2. Follow the attorney's advice. Lawyers don't enjoy trying to help someone who won't follow their advice.

3. If you disagree with your attorney, speak up. If you think the attorney is wrong, speak up and have a discussion. If you think the attorney is wrong too often, change attorneys.

4. Pay your bills on time. You wouldn't work for free. Your attorney doesn't like to work for free. Attorneys have overhead and living expenses, just like you and other business people.

5. Follow the court's order. You really make your life and your attorney's life more difficult if you ignore or violate court orders. If you don't like the order, talk to your attorney.

6. Don't expect your attorney to be a therapist. In Tarrant County, we actually have one very good attorney who is also a very good therapist, but that is a unique situation. You can't expect your attorney to solve your emotional issues, but the attorney can refer you to someone for therapy, as needed.

7. Be on time and get stuff done on time. Time limits are often very important in litigation. There can be major problems if you miss deadlines. Do your part to make sure things are done on time.

8. Have a clear picture of what you want. Of course, that's easy for me to say. In reality, you probably need to talk with your attorney to formulate what your goals and needs are, but your attorney needs to know what you are aiming for.

9. Don't listen to family and friends. Please. They mean well, but they don't know all the facts of your case, and the experience they draw on is different from your situation.

10. Remember -- every divorce is different. There is no one-size-fits-all solution. You need to work closely with your attorney to plan and carry out your course of action. Don't assume that what happened in a friend's divorce will work in yours!

If you follow these suggestions, you should have a good relationship with your attorney. Good luck.

Getting a "Quiet" Divorce

There are quiet divorces and then there are the ones you hear too much about -- the celebrities with their binges and affairs caught on film, tape and the Internet, and your friends and relatives who go through the gauntlet fighting against all odds against the most overbearing spouse imaginable. You hear the horror stories all the time, but it doesn't have to be that way.

Collaborative Law is one way to have a quiet, peaceful and civilized divorce or resolution to another family law issue, but sometimes you can have a low-key litigation experience if the parties show maturity and stability to cooperate to end or change a relationship that isn't working. Many people start out with almost everything agreed. They may not need the full menu of legal services employed to work through a difficult and contentious divorce.

If you and your spouse are on fairly good terms and want to work together informally, Collaborative Law may be a good option, but it may not be needed in some less complex or mostly-settled cases. If you are in that situation, you should talk to an attorney about the following:

• Use minimal pleadings and don't make inflammatory allegations. You don't have to have a temporary restraining order or a temporary hearing. Discuss the situation with your attorney and determine the minimum that is needed.

• Insist on limiting your court appearances. You may not even need to appear in court to get the final decree signed.

• You don't necessarily need a deposition taken of your spouse, especially if everything is worked out.

• Likewise, you don't need formal, written discovery. Attorneys have numerous ways of gathering and sharing information.

• You can control the timetable, if everything is agreed, although there is still a 60-day waiting period in Texas.
  

• You also control the terms. Most judges will approve agreements made by the parties as long as the terms are written in a way that makes them clear and enforceable.
  

Not every divorce or family law procedure needs to be handled the same as all others. As the party most affected by the process, you have the right to tell your attorney to limit the steps you follow. Have a frank discussion and make sure that you do not just blindly follow an attorney's advice to do everything a "standard" way. Standard isn't always the best.

What You Should Tell Your Attorney

Most divorces and other family law issues don't wrap up in one or two or three months. Unfortunately, the issues involve complicated and changing facts that take time to uncover and understand. Attorneys and clients must work together closely and communicate well, and that usually happens. In a surprising number of cases, however, some highly relevant information is not conveyed to the attorney.

Some Matters That Should Be Disclosed to Your Attorney

• You are buying or selling a house, or if you are moving.
• You are having surgery.
• You lost or will lose your job, or you are starting a new job, or your pay has changed.
• You are getting counseling, or you stopped or never started counseling that was ordered by the court or expected by your attorney.
• Your arrest or criminal history.
• You are dating or have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
• You have a roommate.
• There has been a significant financial change.
• You have been served with legal papers.
• You are being threatened with litigation.
• You have had an argument, or made an agreement, with your spouse.
• You plan to dispose of some of your assets or your spouse's assets.

That is not a complete list. When in doubt, tell your attorney.

Problems The lack of communication can result in problems when the news comes out, which it inevitably does. Some of the results can include:

• Violations of court orders that could have been avoided. Timely notice to the attorney might have enabled the attorney prevent the action or minimize the impact.
• The client's attorney being caught unprepared in a hearing when the issue is brought out in front of the judge. It is usually better to volunteer the unflattering information instead of leaving the impression that you are trying to hide something.
• The other party or other attorney becoming upset because of the unilateral action. That often can be prevented or minimized. When the other party is upset, you can count on less willingness to be reasonable or settle on other issues.

Why don't clients inform their attorneys?

Attorneys sometimes have a hard time understanding why their clients don't tell all. In reality, there are many different reasons why it can occur. A few of them are:

• Embarrassment. Clients are human, too. They don't want their attorney to think badly of them. They may hope that no one else discover the silly or stupid or malicious thing they did. Unfortunately, word almost always gets out.
• Avoidance. A client may fear the response or rebuke that is expected when a course of action is proposed. They want to avoid the unpleasant experience, so they just don't talk about it.
• Not thinking. Some clients just don't think it matters if they do certain things or they forget about some things. It's no big deal to them.
  
• Desire to save money. Clients know that it costs them to talk to their attorneys, so they decide to save the up front attorney's fee costs, not thinking that the situation can turn into a bigger problem.
• Secrecy. They may fear that the attorney will tell. Sometimes, clients know something is wrong, but they want to do it anyway. To protect themselves, at least in the short term, they try to hide the action from their attorney. But, the facts will usually come out anyway.

What's the Solution? Talk to your attorney and let him/her figure out how to best handle difficult or embarrassing facts. Let your attorney advise you on what actions to take or to avoid. It's really pretty simple.

The Top 10 Reasons Why People Don't Hire an Attorney

Many people facing difficult decisions have a hard time making the decision that they often know, down deep inside, that they need to make. Some people, at the beginning of a divorce or other family law issue, face that dilemma. Intellectually, they know what they need to do -- get started. They also know the first step is to hire an attorney. But, for a variety of reasons, they may have a really difficult time taking that step.

The following are 10 common reasons that people will use to convince themselves, or to give permission to themselves, to delay hiring an attorney. They know that once the attorney is hired, the process will begin. It's sometimes hard to face the changes that will follow, so they take the "easy way out" and put off the decision. If you are in that limbo, check the list here to see if any apply to you as you mull over your options and decide whether to hire an attorney.

1. You have now calmed down after you had gotten very upset following a discussion/argument with your spouse. It is a good idea to make important decisions when you are calm and rational, instead of while you are in the heat of a battle. Maybe it would have been a bad idea to start a divorce. On the other hand, you can think through a decision and carefully weigh the issues, looking at the pros and cons of different courses of action. If you decide against legal action after careful thought after you have calmed down, that likely is the right decision for you.

2. It could be a situation where someone else was pushing you to get started and they are not around now. Everyone has well-meaning "advisors", usually family and friends, who are willing to advise you and try to help you manage your life. Sometimes, without their encouragement and support, it's easy to change course and not do what you probably should be doing.

3. A very common affliction for people needing to make major decisions is procrastination. It seems like some people procrastinate more often than others, but everyone will put off difficult or momentous decisions at one time or another. Sometimes people get caught up in trying to gather all the information they can before deciding or they may come up with other reasons. Get help, if you need it, but make a decision.

4. Some aren't sure what they want to do, so they just want to think about it some more. That may be a form of procrastination, but it can be for other reasons. Leaving a marriage is an emotional decision as well as an rational decision. If a person has not reached the point of deciding that there is no hope for marriage, for example, it is very hard to take the step of hiring an attorney. This is a situation where the person may have to wait a little while and work through the emotions.

5. You can't get off work or you're sick or you have a sick child or other family member. Those are just excuses. You can figure out how to get off work. A sick person will get well or will improve to the point where you can take time away from them, or you can get someone to temporarily relieve you.

6. You don't want to be the one to file first. That is an important decision for some people. They are usually not aware of the fact that there are some advantages in court for being the one to file first. You should consult with an attorney and determine whether the advantages are important enough to you to go ahead and file.

7. You don't think you can get the money together to file. That can be a realistic consideration because attorneys can't work for free. On the other hand, different attorneys charge different retainers and hourly rates. Some may charge flat fees, although flat fees are not bargain rates or cheap -- they are just predictable because the attorney sets the total fee at the outset. The attorney may look over your situation and figure out where your fees can come from. Judges in Tarrant County divorce cases are pretty good about equalizing the fees available to each party. Don't let your perceived lack of funds keep you from talking to attorneys.

8. Your spouse said s/he would try to work out things with you informally or would s/he would "change" and the problems would go away. Maybe those things will happen, and maybe not. It's still best to have an attorney working with you to protect your interests.

9. You're not sure your family will want you to do this or you don't want to look bad to them. That could happen, but your family isn't the one living with your spouse or experiencing the problems you are experiencing. Your family probably doesn't know all the nitty-gritty details and they don't have the same consequences you see.

10. You trust your spouse and believe s/he and her/his attorney won't take advantage of you. Sometimes that works out, but why risk it? Your spouse, and especially her/his attorney, will understand your desire to have someone on your side. If they act upset, chances are they were planning to take advantage of you.

The bottom line is that if you are facing legal action for a divorce or other family law matter, you should consult with an attorney right to learn about your legal rights and opportunities and to discuss possible legal strategies. It is much better to plan ahead and be prepared. I have had people come in a month, two months or six months before filing, and they leave feeling better because they understand what's going on now and what their options are. You should meet with an attorney whenever you are in a similar situation.

Hopefully, this will provide some encouragement so that people will feel strong enough to take the step that will help them in the long run.

Should You Hire a Collaborative Lawyer for a Case in Litigation?

An issue that comes up all the time is whether a Collaborative lawyer can or will handle non-Collaborative cases. For me, the answer is yes. Some people just assume that a Collaborative lawyer will no longer participate in litigation. That is true for some attorneys, but (at this point in time) all Tarrant County divorce lawyers who are trained in Collaborative Law still handle litigation, and that is true of most Collaborative attorneys in Texas. You can just ask an attorney if you wonder about it.

A related issue is whether it is advisable to hire a Collaborative lawyer to handle a litigation divorce. Some people may have a vague fear that a Collaborative lawyer would be unprepared, uncomfortable or unable to function in a litigated case. That is a misplaced fear. Actually, the main difference is that Collaborative attorneys have extra training and experience in negotiating that some litigation attorneys don't have. Which leads to the question: How are the extra training and experience an advantage in litigation?

Let preface my answer by briefly explaining how Tarrant County divorces work, which is essentially how they occur in many of the other counties in Texas. In a litigated divorce, here are the basic steps that are commonly followed:

• One party files for divorce, gets a restraining order signed by the judge and then gets a temporary hearing scheduled. It is usually set 10-14 days after the filing date so that there is time to get the other party served with papers.

• The other party receives the papers, usually from a process server. The papers are a petition for divorce, restraining order and notice of the hearing. There will be a citation explaining the need to respond to the petition.

• If there's enough time, the two sides will sometimes negotiate before going to court to start to work out temporary or interim orders.
  

• Both parties appear at court on the appointed date. They, or their attorneys, negotiate. Although the event is called a "Temporary Hearing", there usually isn't a hearing. Cases are usually set at 8:30 or 9:00 a.m. and often the parties spend all morning at the courthouse negotiating.
  

• Negotiations can involve meetings with the judge and occasionally end in a bench conference with the judge, attorneys and parties. Even then, usually, most issues have been resolved before the conference begins and the attorneys usually only submit a few issues. Sometimes, there are negotiations in the judge's office with just the attorneys and judge present.

• After the judge decides or gives suggestions or an advisory opinion, there's often more negotiations to iron out the inevitable few remaining details.

• Temporary orders are drawn up and signed.

• The parties then begin to gather and exchange information, either informally (sometimes) or through the formal "discovery" process. In discovery, written requests for information are sent to the other party that require that other party to produce various and extensive types of information to each other.
  

• A trial date is usually set about this time, often many months away. Before the trial date, virtually every court requires mediation in almost every case. Mediation is not attempted only in the most unusual circumstances.

• Mediation occurs. It's usually either a half- or whole-day marathon in which all remaining issues in dispute in the divorce are to be resolved.

• Mediation usually works in around 90% or more of the cases. If it doesn't in a particular case, the case eventually goes to trial, although there's always the proverbial "courthouse steps" for final negotiations, and such negotiations are often successful.
  

You may have noticed that the common denominator in the above summary is the repeated occurrence of negotiations. The bottom line is that whether you end up in litigation (either by choice or otherwise) or Collaboration, you will be participating in negotiations.

Now, back to the question of the day: Should you hire a Collaborative lawyer for a non-Collaborative case? Here are some things to consider:

• Is there a good chemistry between you and the attorney?
• Does the attorney listen and communicate well?
  
• Can you afford the attorney?
• Does the attorney have the level of experience you require for your case?
• Is the attorney a Board Certified Specialist in Family Law?
  
• Is the attorney local and familiar with the judges and other attorneys?
• How would the attorney approach negotiations in your case?
  

Ultimately, you need to decide if there is good chemistry between you and your lawyer. If you don't feel good about how the attorney communicates or the strategy the attorney proposes, try another attorney. Even excellent attorneys are not always a good match for some people. And don't worry about hiring a Collaborative lawyer in a litigated case -- it may be one of the best decisions you have made.

Why Is There No Free Consultation?

One of the first questions we often hear when a prospective client calls us is, "Do you have a free consultation?" It's a fair question and an important one. Some potential clients assume that they will be paying a fee for their initial visit with an attorney, but others think they should not begin to pay until they have actually hired an attorney. On the other side of the room, some attorneys believe in charging for every conference with a client or potential client, while other attorneys want to encourage people to come see them, so they provide free initial conferences.

Some attorneys choose a middle ground and charge a reduced fee for the initial meeting. Many of them believe charging even a small fee will weed out the non-serious potential clients who are looking for feedback, ideas or affirmation that they are right, without having incurred any cost for the information or support.

For potential clients who have trouble understanding why they should be charged for the initial time they visit with an attorney, here are some explanations some attorneys use.

• For the attorneys who charge by the hour, time is money. They keep their business open by charging for the time they spend working in some fashion on the client's problems. Real information is provided in real time to the client. For the attorney, the service provided is essentially the same type of service they will be providing once they are hired: listen, ask questions, determine needs or goals, gather information, analyze, strategize and create plans.

• Other professionals routinely charge for their time and services at an initial assessment. This includes doctors, mechanics and electricians (just to name a few). The time and skills of the professionals are being applied to the problems at hand.

• For the attorneys who practice what is called value pricing, or use flat fees, they focus on the valuable information, forms and other paperwork they may provide the client. They also add value by listening and counseling with the client. Here is an example on the higher end of service and a corresponding higher fee: There is an attorney in Calgary, Canada who has developed an excellent product for the initial conference. He spends as long as the client wants, usually 2 to 3 hours, records the session and provides a copy of the recording, and produces a customized approach to the client's issues. Other attorneys provide a less robust experience, but nevertheless provide excellent value to the client just by doing the same things some attorneys do as they charge by the hour.

• In addition, when an attorney meets with a prospective client, the attorney becomes immediately disqualified from representing the spouse. That can result in a loss of income for the attorney.

• Another consideration is that the attorney is unable to work on other clients' business when they are attending an initial meeting with a potential new client. That means less income for the attorney and no progress on the other client's issues. Even if it only delays the work, the delay can become a problem for the client and then the attorney. Most clients prefer not to be put on the back burner. They want their matter resolved NOW!

Although we are often told that other Fort Worth or Tarrant County divorce and family law attorneys provide a free initial consultation, we choose not to do so. If the client prefers a free initial meeting, then we encourage them to visit one of the free ones. There's no hard feelings on our end. For a beneficial attorney-client relationship to exist, there must be good chemistry and at least some shared values. If there is disagreement between attorney and client on the fee issue from the outset, then the relationship is not going to work out. It is best for the client to find an attorney whose approach to the case is as consistent as possible with the client's approach.

In addition, busier attorneys will charge for the consultation. To not charge for the consultation would subject the attorneys to spending a lot of uncompensated time with the new client. Again, that prevents the attorney from being able to do significant work on other cases.

Conclusion: The fact that an attorney chooses to charge for all initial consultations does not mean that a client is "wrong" for wanting a free consultation. The attorney isn't "wrong" either. There are other attorneys who will provide a free initial consult. The solution is to match up the clients who want a free interview with the attorneys who want to provide them. The way to do that is for the potential client to raise the issue when the initial consultation is being set up. Just speak up and discuss the issue up front.

Do You Really Want a Mean Lawyer?

Over the years, a number of prospective clients have asked about how mean a lawyer I can be. I used to tell them that I could be as mean as I needed to be. Now, I prefer to discuss some other, related issues.

1. What is the client's overall objective in getting (or getting through) the divorce? Is it punishment for perceived wrongs? Is it to end up with adequate resources to be comfortable after divorce? Is it to have primary custody of the kids or to have a way to share time and responsibility for raising the kids? Is it to end up with certain valuable assets? Is it to come out debt free? Or something else? There's no right or wrong answer. It just helps the lawyer to know what the target is.

2. What kind of relationship does the client want to have with his/her ex-spouse? No relationship, a good one, best friends, neutral relationship or a bad relationship? Again, there's no right or wrong approach. The attorney just needs to know in order to work out the appropriate strategy.

3. What "mean" actions would the client want to take? Some actions are not permissible because they are illegal or unethical for a lawyer to do, and the client needs to understand that. Some actions are legal and ethical, but could be considered "mean" in some circumstances. Within that limited category, what would the client want?

4. How does the client think "meanness" will advance his/her cause? Some clients don't realize that being mean to the other side leads to more hostility and less cooperation. Will that help the client meet his/her needs or achieve his/her objectives?

5. Is the client willing to spend the extra money required to be mean? Unfortunately, for the client, "mean" isn't cheap. The attorney's fees increase dramatically when the attorney sends out numerous letters complaining or demanding action, files numerous pleadings complaining or requesting actions, sets hearings, conducts numerous depositions, demands voluminous discovery and so on. Also, the "tit for tat" strategy comes into play, meaning that whatever one side does to the other is returned again to the first party. The result: more letters, pleadings, hearings, depositions, discovery, etc. Being mean keeps the attorney busy, but it also increases the cost of divorce for both parties.

Often, the desire to hire a mean lawyer is just the natural reaction to pain,anger or fear the client is experiencing. There are certainly times when an attorney must act aggressively and firmly, but most clients just don't need or want a really mean lawyer when they learn how that will affect the case and their lives. And many or most clients can't afford or won't want to pay for a mean lawyer. Having the discussion about taking the mean approach can really be surprising to the client, but it can lead to planning for a better divorce.

If You Don't Agree with Your Attorney

When you are working with an attorney to resolve a legal issue, trust and communication are essential to maintain a healthy and productive relationship. Even with those elements present, there can be problems between the client and an attorney. Sometimes there are disagreements between the two and the relationship becomes strained. What can you do about this?

1. Have a discussion. Sometimes the attorney-client relationship is generally fine, but a small problem or disagreement comes up. If it's important to you, talk to your attorney about it. It could be a simple misunderstanding which can be easily fixed. On the other hand, it could be a sign of a major problem and you shouldn't put off dealing with it. Don't let your concern fester and build up. Please address it early on so it can be resolved in some fashion.

2. Get a second opinion. Consult another professional. Most attorneys will not talk with you while you are represented by another attorney, but there may be some things you can discuss with a CPA, a counselor or some other professional. You can research some issues, but there are a lot of limitations and pitfalls involved if you do your own research on the Internet, so I hesitate to suggest it.

3. Change attorneys. There are plenty of attorneys around. If you are unhappy with the job your attorney is doing, it is probably better for both you and your attorney for you to change attorneys. You may have a quality attorney, but there just may not be a good chemistry. Just because the attorney worked well with a friend of yours doesn't mean that the attorney will work well with you. Different personalities may not blend into an effective working relationship. Sometimes communication styles aren't as comfortable for one person as they may be for another. Just change attorneys so that you are satisfied. By the way, an attorney may want to terminate a representation relationship for the same reasons.

The main message here is to take some action and address any issues that concern you. Give your attorney a chance to explain the situation or learn of your concerns. If all else fails, go ahead and make a change before you or your attorney go too far.

What are My Chances of Winning?

The one question everyone asks, or wants to ask, when starting out in almost any kind of litigation, is "What are my chances of winning?". Maybe in the movies or on TV, an attorney will answer with a percentage chance of success. If you hear an answer in real life in a family law case where the attorney actually gives the odds of winning, you should be concerned about the quality and experience of the attorney.

I can understand that it is a rational question to ask. Many people don't want to waste their time or money, don't want to unnecessarily alienate other family members and most of all, don't want to lose.

Why, you may ask, can an experienced attorney not give the odds of success? The answer is simple: each case is different. There may be two custody cases where both parents want primary custody. What are the odds of the father winning in either one? There's really no way to answer because the outcome depends on all the facts of the case, who the judge is, how the facts are presented, the quality of the witnesses is for each side, how well the attorneys do and many other factors. The same is true for every other type of case. No two cases are alike and there's no set formula to determine who the winner is. It's all up to the judge or maybe a jury. There are no objective standards to rely on.

Instead of pressing the attorney to give a prediction of success, a more productive conversation would be about these issues:

• What is my real goal? Sometimes the real goal is to get a better visitation schedule or reduction in child support even though someone starts off asking for custody. Some reflection by you and the attorney about this issue can lead to the development of a plan that really relates to what's important to you.
• Is it possible to achieve? If the goal is paying no child support, it may not be possible in one set of facts while it may be likely under a different scenario. Likewise a 50-50 arrangement of time with the children may be feasible if the parties work together well and live pretty close together. On the other hand, if the parents constantly fight (even post divorce) or if they live a considerable distance apart, for example, it is unlikely that the parents can share equal time with the children.
• What can I do to improve my chances of attaining my goal? Doing some brainstorming for steps to take and then implementing the ideas can really improve your chances of success. If you are really committed to success and work in constructive ways, you will have a better chance of prevailing. (Of course, I can't tell you how likely it is that you will succeed.)

What should remember from all this? First, forget about calculating the odds of success for you case. Second, help yourself by following the above three steps. Good luck!

Don't Try This at Home (Without a Lawyer): The Perils of Representing Yourself

Sometimes people decide to try to represent themselves in a divorce case. That's almost always a serious mistake. If you can't afford a lawyer, and if you have any assets or debts to divide, you might be better off waiting to file for divorce until you can afford to hire a lawyer. In Tarrant County, courts don't have the legal authority or resources to provide free attorneys for people who can't afford them, except in very narrow circumstances, which don't usually include divorce cases.

If you find yourself in a divorce and you don't have the funds to pay an attorney, you are probably better off negotiating a settlement than you would be in going to trial. If you try to negotiate without an attorney to help you, keep in mind that you probably don't have the leverage to get much of what you would like in settlement. Nevertheless, you would probably come out worse if you went to trial.

There are many problems you will likely encounter if you go to trial representing yourself in a Fort Worth, Texas family law court. In general, you will be required to act like an attorney in many ways, even though you don't have the training or experience. Here are some of the obstacles you will face, especially if there is an attorney on the other side.

1. Local rules of court. Tarrant County family lawyers are required to follow a set of local rules of court that were set up specifically for Tarrant County family law courts. The rules set out duties and deadlines, among other things. Failure to comply can result in penalties and possible exclusion of evidence and issues.

2. Procedural rules. In addition to the local rules, there are other rules that must be observed. The Texas Rules of Civil Procedure and various sections of the Texas Family Code, as well as some other Texas and federal statutes, must be complied with. Like with the local rules, failure to follow the other procedural rules can result in penalties and possible exclusion of evidence and issues.

3. Knowing how to present or object to evidence. Simply put, you may not be able to get evidence accepted for consideration by the court if the evidence is not properly offered. There are different predicates (preliminary requirements), procedures and authentication steps which must be followed. Texas law has a number of rules of evidence which must be complied with. For example, if evidence is considered to be "hearsay", you probably won't be able to present that evidence in court, no matter how much you want the court to hear it. Watching a lot of TV or movies will not prepare you for getting evidence into a trial.

4. Knowing what is realistic to expect a court to do. In a slightly different vein, it really helps to have an attorney who is experienced in Tarrant County family law courts because that attorney will have a pretty good idea about what is realistic to expect a court to do. Part of the strategy of a case is evaluating the possibility of an outcome that a party wants. Sometimes it hurts your case if all or part of what you ask the court to do is unrealistic. That may be based on the law (what the law permits) and/or on the judge's preferences. Judges are human and can get upset or annoyed if they feel like their time is being wasted. There are so many cases pending that judges cannot afford to waste time on trials that are absurd. Asking for something the judge won't or can't do may result in adverse ruling in other areas as well.

5. Properly dealing with experts in court. Whether the expert is there for financial testimony or psychological issues or something else, there are certain ways to properly ask questions of experts. There are also many improper and objectionable ways to ask questions. This is a specific area where a non-lawyer may not know how to get admissible evidence in front of a judge. An experienced attorney can often tie up another attorney on issues involving experts. It would not take much for an attorney to block a non-attorney from getting expert testimony in.

6. Making the best impression possible. With experience, an attorney learns skills and gains insight about persuasion and communication. Knowing how trials proceed and often knowing something about the judge's preferences give an attorney a great head start in making a good impression in court.

7. Avoiding upsetting the judge. Judges are human and they can get ticked off, some easier than others. With experience, attorneys usually learn what they can get away with and what they should avoid with certain judges. A person representing him/herself lacks that insight and runs the risk of offending a judge and that can affect the outcome of a case.

Divorce is a very serious matter. It is life changing. There can be huge consequences financially. Children's issues are being determined by a stranger. If you are facing a divorce, you should only represent yourself as a last resort. Instead, you should explore every financing option available, including taking a loan or maybe using some home equity, so that you can hire an attorney. In Fort Worth, and throughout Tarrant County, Texas, there are many fine family lawyers who charge a variety of rates and make many different fee arrangements. If you can't find one you can afford, keep looking.

Finally, as another alternative, if you end up representing yourself, try being realistic, be reasonable and be ready to compromise. Even with your own attorney, those are things you need to do. For some reason, parties who represent themselves frequently seem to be unrealistic, unreasonable and uncompromising. Help yourself by being aware of what you are doing and try to act in a manner that will lead to settlement. In almost every case, settlement is preferable to a trial for many reasons.

If you would like to share your experiences representing yourself or with your spouse representing him/herself, please send in a comment.