Can One Attorney Represent Both Parties in a Divorce?

NO!!!

Attorneys are trained to see both sides of an issue. Experienced attorneys have represented someone on each side of most common issues, but not at the same time and not opposing each other.

Here's a simple example.  If the parties own a house and each one wants it, there's no way to simultaneously help both parties try to end up with the house.

That happens on all the issues:  Custody, visitation, child support, dividing the assets, dividing the bills, who pays the taxes, and on and on.


Why does the issue come up? 

• People want to save money. 
• They think a divorce is simpler than it is.  
• They may have agreed on all issues, except one or two. 
•  Or, sometimes one spouse will approach the other spouse and suggest that they can both use the first spouse's attorney who is a nice and friendly person.  It doesn't matter how nice the attorney is, the attorney cannot represent both parties.

An attorney can tell you what a Judge might do in a certain situation, but that might not be satisfactory to at least one of the parties.

Bottom Line:  An attorney cannot ethically represent both parties against each other.  If you think you and your spouse hired an attorney to represent both of you, you are mistaken and someone will probably end up unhappy.  The attorney will only be working for one of you. You need to make sure you hire your own attorney.

5 Types of Divorce Processes

If you are looking to get a divorce, there are many decisions to be made.  Among them are the type of process you will use.  Yes, there's more than one way to get a divorce.


1st Decision:  Lawyer or No Lawyer?
Hopefully, you will go see a lawyer and get advice, but you do have the option of representing yourself.  While there are free or low-cost forms available to do your own divorce, you should carefully consider your decision.  There are some circumstances where it is difficult to afford to hire an attorney, but I do recommend that you find a way to hire one unless yours is a very short marriage and you have no children and no significant property.

2nd Decision:  You have a range of processes for handling divorces.  How do you want to approach this?

• Kitchen table.  At one end, there is negotiation around the kitchen table, a very informal way of coming to agreements.  In some cases, that works out well -- short marriages, no kids, few assets and a civil relationship between the parties. Hopefully, both parties know all the financial facts and understand them.

• Mediation. Another option is mediation, with or without attorneys.  I have seen enough non-attorney agreements to believe that you really need to have an attorney present at the mediation or at least the advice of an attorney throughout the process.  Otherwise, the result may be appealing but not workable. 

• Litigation.  This is the default approach where the parties file suit and go to court.  They have temporary orders hearings and go through a formal Discovery process to request, receive and exchange information and documents.There are often multiple hearings and various pleadings generated.  Eventually, if the case doesn't settle by discussions between the attorneys, it will usually go to mediation.  If that fails to settle the case, trial is the final step.

• Collaborative Law. Finally, there's Collaborative Law where the parties each have attorneys and agree to not go to court.  Instead, they conduct a series of meetings and work with a neutral therapist and neutral financial expert. The parties work cooperatively with the experts and their attorneys to gather any information needed and then work out agreements based on their specific needs. A lot of the preliminary work is done by the neutral experts which saves money and produces quality results.

How do you decide which process to try?  Talk with an attorney and figure out what best meets your needs and abilities. Be aware that some attorneys don't do Collaborative Law and they may try to steer you away from it.  Make sure you are meeting with a Family Law attorney who actually handles Collaborative cases. You can ask how many Collaborative cases the attorney has handled and when the attorney has attended training for Collaborative Law.

While Collaborative may not work for everyone, if the attorney tries to talk you out of using it, go to a different attorney for a second opinion. You may decide to not use Collaborative Law, but you should at least get good information when you are deciding.

Keep in mind that there's no single right answer on how to proceed.  Do yourself a favor by researching processes and attorneys ahead of time, if you can.  Think about how you want the divorce to end up, and then choose the best process to meet your objectives.

Want An Amicable Divorce?

The stereotype of divorce is a bitter fight between former lovers who now hate each other.  That is an image that often shows up in movies.  While that is what happens sometimes, a more common situation is two parties who have grown apart or who are tired of fighting, whether it's over almost everything or over just a few issues.

What I'm seeing more of is people looking for an "amicable divorce".  There's no single definition of that term, but generally it refers to a divorce where the fighting is minimized and is relatively civil when it occurs.  While that may not seem normal to some people, it is actually pretty common.

Here are some reasons why someone may be looking for an amicable divorce.  The parties ...

• agree that they only want to use 1 attorney, usually to save money, but sometimes just to avoid fights brought on by the second attorney.
• don't want to make the divorce into a big fight.
• need help figuring out a few things even though they have worked through most issues.
• want to hold the costs down.
• want a fairly quick divorce, or at least are not opposed to it.
• have just grown apart over the course of a long-term marriage.
• still love or care for each other.
• have kids (sometimes grown) and they don't want to upset the kids.
• believe in fairness.
• sometimes, mainly are looking for an attorney to act as a scribe to write up the papers based on their agreements.

So, how can you and your spouse get an amicable divorce?

Rule #1:  choose your attorney wisely. Some lawyers don't believe in amicable divorces.  Look for a Collaborative attorney.  He or she will be more open to customizing and creating new solutions.  Plus, a Collaborative lawyer will already be attuned to a peaceful resolution.

Avoid any lawyer you don't feel comfortable with.  Avoid non-refundable retainers.  Also, if someone insists on a course of action that you don't want, for example having a temporary hearing, or tells you exactly what to do or how everything will go.Some lawyers don't listen to their own clients.

Remember, almost no divorce is inexpensive, but you save money by not fighting.  If you have assets or children or any difficulties, there will be some cost associated with it.  Divorce is normally not cheap, but an amicable divorce should cost much less than a divorce with a lot of fighting in it.

Stay on good terms with your spouse. That saves money.

Be able to explain how the deal meets your spouse's needs as well as yours.  The deal must be mutually beneficial if you want to keep the divorce amicable.

Good luck!

How to Prepare for a Peaceful Divorce

Often, people become hurt and angry when it becomes clear they are facing a divorce.  In most cases, the divorce should not be a surprise, but sometimes it is.  While some people can overcome their anger at the situation and their spouse, others can't.  Attorneys will tell the parties that if one person wants the divorce, it will happen eventually.  Many times angry people seem determined to make life difficult for themselves and their spouse as they go through a divorce.

On the other hand, there is a large number of people who have had time to process the emotional issues of their divorce and are more interested in having a peaceful divorce.

For the people wanting to have a peaceful and civilized divorce, here are some suggestions to follow:

1.  Try Collaborative Law. Ideally, if there are issues to be resolved, the parties should use Collaborative Law.  I have written many other posts in this blog and my Texas Collaborative Law blog about how Collaborative Law works and the advantages of it. If there's any way to get your spouse to agree to use Collaborative Law, you will both benefit.

2.  Think about, identify and define your goals.  Figure out what you would like to end up with after the divorce is finished. What would you want your life to look like? There's no automatic plan in the Texas Family Code for dividing property.  Even issues around the children have room for some variations. You will be much happier at the end if you are constantly thinking about your goals, needs and interests while you work on finding or creating solutions.

3.  Be realistic.  Don't ask for more than is even possible.  Consider that your spouse has needs also, even if you are angry at him or her.  If you are realistic and reasonable, you will have a greater chance of reaching agreement and avoiding an expensive battle in court.

4.  Get professional help.  It's no admission of weakness to talk with a counselor and get help with the stresses and emotions of a divorce.  It can make your life easier if you will get counseling and follow through with their advice.

5.  Pause and think before you speak.  You will have many occasions to speak to and about your spouse.  What you say can result in anger, hurt feelings and retaliation.  Holding your tongue and not responding to provocation can pay off in the end.  You don't need to escalate things.

6.  Avoid pushing your spouse's buttons.  You know what you can say and do that will trigger anger in your spouse.  You don't need to strike back like that.  Everything can escalate quickly and that's not good for either of you.

7.  Look for common ground.  It may seem hard, but you can find things you can agree on.  If you start with a few small agreements, it makes it easier to agree on bigger issues.  That's true for both sides.

8.  Gather and share information.  You can try to withhold information, but it will normally come out eventually.  Courts are geared up to enforce the production of information.  They aren't foolproof, but they can sure eat up a lot of cash as the attorneys fight over documents.  Save yourself time and money by being cooperative. It will also help generate goodwill.

9.  Think outside the box.  Don't limit yourself to mechanical, by-the-guidelines solutions.  Be open to completely new ways to work things out.  Get whatever help you need and be creative. A solution doesn't mean someone has to lose.

10. Leave your ego out of the picture.  You don't have to "win".  You can decide what would satisfy you and your needs.  There are always different ways of looking at things.  If your spouse feels like he/she "won" and you are satisfied with the result, that's great!

If you follow these tips, especially the one about choosing Collaborative Law, you will have a peaceful divorce. By the way, a peaceful divorce will be a lot cheaper than a hotly-contested one!

Why an Aggressive, Mean Lawyer will Cost More Money

The other day, I was visiting with a highly educated man who started to tell me about his experience with divorce.  That's not an unusual situation.  Everyone has stories from their own experiences or their family or friends' experiences.

Anyway, as it turned out, he was happy with the second attorney he used.  It seems the second attorney was a "barracuda" and the man is now convinced that's the way to go.  The first attorney wasn't aggressive enough.  I know and respect both attorneys, but I would rarely ever agree that the barracuda approach is the best.  Let me explain.

1.  Reasons for wanting a mean lawyer.  The most common reasons I have heard are the following:

• For revenge or out of anger:  In a divorce, emotions can be raw and revenge is quick to appeal to someone with hurt feelings.
• To get a more favorable result:  Some people think the only way to get a great result is to "beat up" or overwhelm the other party.  Those people assume that the aggressive lawyer will have the client's goals in mind and will attain them.
• To counteract the lawyer on the other side:  Many people believe that it takes fire power to fight fire. That may be true if the other attorney is a mean, aggressive attorney, but there's no need for that approach if the other attorney is just a regular, reasonable attorney.

2.  How does it work?  The mean, aggressive lawyer will be constantly attacking.  The attorney will file motions and set numerous hearings.  Conducting a war in discovery is a common tactic.  The aggressive lawyer demands a lot of information and is very stingy in giving out information.  The attorney tries to focus on what the other side has failed to produce or failed to do.  The idea seems to be to batter the opposing party and wear them out so that they will settle on terms favorable to the aggressive side.

3.  What are the results?

• Many times, a party will get some revenge and work out some of the anger.
• Almost always, there will be a smaller pot to divide.  The constant battling is very expensive, which means the attorneys get a good share of the community property and the parties divide a significantly smaller amount.
• The process will take extra time.  Fighting takes time.  To do a good job, the aggressive attorney will generally set the case for trial, about a year away, and spend the interim time whaling away at the other side.  Plenty of attorneys' fees get earned in that year.
• The fighting is pretty stressful on you.  At first, it might seem wonderful, but after a while, it just feels tiring and stressful.  Keep in mind that the other side will always fight back.
• Financial pressures rise.  So much time and effort are devoted to the fight, that the attorneys' fees keep rising.  In almost every divorce, there are financial problems because suddenly there are two households trying to live on a budget that often barely covered one household.  Then, add two attorneys and various experts, and you will really begin to feel financial pressures.

 4.  Consequences

• Cost -- at a time when cash is in short supply, it gets burned quickly in attorneys' fees and the estate to be divided between the parties is greatly reduced in size.
• Destruction of relationships -- if there are children, there will be future occasions when both parents need to be near each other and be civil or even friendly.  That can be hard to do if really nasty things are said and done during a divorce.
• Lost opportunities -- oftentimes, people will cooperate and sacrifice voluntarily in a divorce if they are treated respectfully.  Working with the other party, compromising and listening to the spouse can all lead to cooperative efforts to settle a case and try to salvage relationships and assets.

5.  Are there alternatives to going into battle mode and using a really mean, aggressive lawyer?  Of course! Almost every case ultimately settles.  There can be direct 1-on-1 negotiations between some parties. In most litigated cases, a court will order mediation at some point.  That's usually successful, but it often occurs late in a case, just before trial.  Finally, there's Collaborative Law, a relatively new process where the parties agree to not go to court.  Instead, they have a series of direct discussions with the help of a lawyer for each party and a neutral therapist and neutral financial advisor who work with both parties.  Collaborative is my preference, but if we can't do that, mediation is certainly a good option.

If you are facing a divorce and someone tells you that you need to hire the meanest lawyer in town, think about whether you want to spend that money and whether you want to further damage or destroy relationships.  You owe it to yourself and your family to at least talk with a trained Collaborative lawyer to find out if Collaborative might work in your case.

Just so you know, in my opinion, Collaborative Law could work in almost any case, as long as there are two trained Collaborative lawyers representing the parties. For more information, see my Texas Collaborative Law blog.



 

Do You Need an Attorney for a Temporary Orders Hearing?

Yes!

This will be a short post.  I hear from people all the time who have gotten served with papers and went to a Temporary Hearing without an attorney.

Why without an attorney?  It usually is a lack of money, short notice or not knowing who to contact. 

What can happen?  You can be kicked out of the house.  You may lose custody even if you have been the primary or sole care provider for the children.  You may not get the child support or spousal support you need.  You may get stuck paying a lot of bills.  You may have restrictions put on you relating to the children or where you live or what you get to use while the divorce is pending.   And many other bad things can happen.

Why does that happen?  Because you don't have someone to speak for you who knows the law, the court rules and the procedures.  Judges try to be fair and helpful to everyone, but they have very little time for each case on their docket and there's no time to explain everything to you.  Also, Judges have to be impartial, so they can't do things for you.

Can you get the problems changed later?  Maybe, maybe not.  The sooner you act, the better.

What can you do?  You really need to hire an attorney.  Even if your spouse says he/she wants to work everything out, you need an attorney. You should hire an attorney before the first hearing.  If you don't have time, ask the Judge for more time.  They will often give you a week or so to hire an attorney.  You should take the process seriously because there are serious consequences.  This is not a good time to do it yourself.

What if you can't afford an attorney?  The stakes are so high, you need to find a way.  Courts generally won't appoint an attorney for you.  You should borrow money from friends, relatives, a bank or wherever else you can think of.  You can usually put attorney's fees on a credit card.  This is so important, you need to find a way to pay for an attorney so you really don't lose out.

When you are going to court, please don't try to do it without an attorney!

How Do People Find Us?

We have made suggestions previously in several posts about how to find and choose an attorney.  After some analysis, I figured out out that these methods seem to be the most common used by clients to find us.

1st Method:  Start with names. Potential clients regularly ask others for recommendations.  They talk with:

• attorneys, 
• counselors, 
• religious advisors/leaders/ministers/rabbis/priests, 
• relatives, 
• friends, 
• neighbors, 
• physicians, 
• CPAs, 
• realtors,
• and others.  

Basically, they talk to people they trust or ones they think would naturally know the best attorneys.  Or they may just go to someone they know has had some experience in the legal system.
Once potential clients get some recommendations, and before calling for an appointment, they usually will check up on them on line to see if the information there is consistent with what the client has been told.

2nd Method: Research on line.

• Potential clients will start by searching on line, using Google, Bing, Yahoo,or some other search engine.They may start generally, such as "Fort Worth Divorce Lawyer" (or some other locale).  
• Once clients get some possibilities, they usually will investigate on line to find out about the attorneys' experience and whether they are a Board Certified Specialist in Family Law.
• Clients will also usually look at the attorney's web site.  They want to be sure that the attorney communicates well and can speak understandably in plain English.  They also want to see if the attorney answers questions and provides information in his/her web site.  Of course, if there's a blog, that's bonus information!
• Final step before calling-- check with trusted friends and advisors to get their opinion of the quality of the potential attorney.

As you can see, our experience is that people will generally research on line and ask for recommendations, which is a smart strategy.  It doesn't matter which order the search is conducted.  The main concern is that you check on the attorney and sample his/her written materials before you make the important in-person visit.

Note:  Please tell the attorney who recommended him/her.  Most attorneys are interested in that and like to thank their referral sources.  The sources will be pleased that you trusted their advice as well!

Watch Out for the Side Effects!

I just read about a new App for a smartphone this morning.  This App was developed in California to help people figure out how to divide up their property as they go through a divorce.  It's really intended to replace an attorney's role in the process.

As admirable as that may seem, there is a great potential for creating major problems in some cases.

Full disclosure:  I am a divorce attorney and I am paid to help people undo their marriages.  But, the people who are wanting to do their own divorces don't want to hire me or any other attorney, so their decision has no real effect on me.  I'm not losing any business because they wouldn't have hired me anyway.  I do think people in short-term marriages, with no kids and little or no property, can probably do their own divorces, if they are so inclined.

This post is not to save business for me.   I am writing this so that people with children or some significant assets or debts can make better decisions on the best course of action for themselves.

Here are some possible side effects for an untrained person using some tools and trying to work out their own divorce.

1.  Tax consequences.  No one likes surprises from the IRS.  Unfortunately, tax issues are lurking everywhere in divorces.  Paying the other spouse some money may be alimony or it could be property division.  There can be taxes owed if it's not done right.  Different retirement assets have different tax consequences which can also affect the net value of those assets.  Real estate sales may trigger capital gains taxes, now or in the future, and that may affect the net value of the land. The parties need to consider their tax basis in various investments when they are doing a property division.  Tax consequences probably won't be much of an issue if someone doesn't have any of these assets.

2.  Enforceability.  In divorces, it's not uncommon for disputes to break out post-divorce about whether agreements are being followed.  The terms of the divorce decree must be clearly spelled out with proper language in order for them to be enforced.  In many cases, there needs to be some collateral or something available as a back-up. Again, if there are no significant assets, this is probably not an issue, although people will fight over anything, as you probably already know.

3.  Extra paperwork.  Many people assume a judge will simply divide everything in half.  That's one way to divide things, but it rarely happens in court.  People can decide to agree on their own to do that, but it may cause a lot of extra paperwork to complete the divisions.  There are often simpler ways to do the property division, which can be handled by an experienced attorney, but which a private party may know nothing about.  Extra paperwork means more opportunities to mess things up.

4.  Remaining connected.  As badly as one or both parties may want to be divorced and separate and independent individuals, they may end up connected for a long time due to property or debt issues that are joint.  An experienced attorney may be able to help them come up with ways to be apart.  Doing things on their own, the parties may end up still connected.

5.  Incompleteness.  Maybe the most common problem for people doing their own divorces is the failure to take all the necessary steps.  Forms may be incomplete.  Language in the decree may be incomplete.  And sometimes there are some obvious  problems that are overlooked.  Once again, with no kids and with little or no property, there may not be a problem.  Otherwise, count on problems.

These are not all the problems that can occur when people decide to do their divorce without an attorney.  In very simple cases that may be fine.  In all others, it is risky.  In addition, it is common for one party to take advantage of their spouse when the party has greater knowledge, experience and control.  Divorce is such an important event, it shouldn't be done without a lot of thought and help.

Footnote:  Each state has different divorce laws which can affect the outcome of the case.  Using California, New York or even Oklahoma law for a Texas divorce is virtually guaranteed to be a disaster.

How to Pay for an Attorney

One of the basic issues for someone needing an attorney is how to pay for one.  For some people, it's not really a concern.  For others, it may seem insurmountable.  Keep in mind that courts don't appoint attorneys to represent parties in divorces and most family law cases.  If you want a pro bono attorney, you pretty much have to meet very strict guidelines on income and assets and then find a Legal Aid office or clinic that can take you on.  Legal Aid is normally overextended and underfunded.  They do great work with limited resources, but they can't help very many.  That means  you are probably on your own.  You should probably assume that you won't get a free lawyer.

As you may know, attorneys charge different rates, retainers and total fees.  Some charge flat fees, but most charge hourly.  You should check around to find a financial arrangement that is affordable for you.  The more experienced attorneys charge more, but even a less-experienced attorney is usually a valuable help for you.

Where to find the money:  Attorneys know that the following are some potential sources of funds to pay attorney's fees:

• Cash, from a stash.  Some people do keep a private sum of cash hidden for a rainy day.  Divorces qualify as a rainy day, so that cash can be put to good use, if there is any cash.
• Money from a joint account.  Unless there is a court order prohibiting removing money for attorney's fees, joint accounts may fund you to get started.
• Assets that can be sold.  Be careful about selling things.  Your attorney can tell you whether it is a good idea in your case.
• Getting a loan from somewhere.  If you have good credit, that might be a possibility.
• Family help.  That's usually a good source, although it might run out.  Family members can usually see the importance of helping.
• Credit card.  Most attorneys will be happy to take a charge on a credit card in your name.
• Contribution by your spouse.  You might be able to ask a court to order your spouse to pay some or all of your fees.  The likelihood of this happening increases when you are able to point out cash or an asset that be used to produce the attorney fee needed.  On the other hand, without a ready source for the payment, it is unlikely that a court will order a payment.

Try to be creative and come up with a unique source for your case.

How to Decide Which Family Law Attorney to Hire

Once you have made the decision to hire an attorney, you need to look around to find out who is available.  There are many attorneys and there are many different personalities and approaches to handling a family law case.  How do you decide who to hire?  Here's how you move forward in your quest.

Where to find attorneys.

• Get references or referrals from friends, relatives, other lawyers or any other professionals you know.  It helps to get some information from someone who knows or knows of the attorney, but even a glowing report doesn't mean a good fit for you. Ask for some recommendations from someone who knows one or more family lawyers, and then investigate.
• Check on line.  There's lots of information you can find by doing searches on line.  If you don't know how to do it, get someone to help you.  You can get lists of attorneys, reviews of attorneys, web sites and writing (such as blogs) to help inform you about the attorneys.  Read what you can about each attorney to get a feel for their approach.

What to look for in attorneys.

• Experience.  The more complicated the case, the greater the value of experience.  You can decide how much experience is needed for your case.
• Expertise. Some attorneys are Board Certified Specialists.  That means that they have met rigorous standards of the State Bar.  The requirements include a significant caseload of family law cases, involving a wide variety of issues and extensive involvement with various  courts.  It also requires much more continuing legal education than most attorneys get and it includes a requirement of passing an extremely difficult test.  After becoming Board Certified Specialists, the attorneys must maintain a significant practice in the area and continue the education requirements.
• Meeting and exceeding the continuing education requirement of the State Bar.  The law changes and attorneys need to keep up with the changes and find ways to practice more effectively.  Generally, attorneys who attend a lot of continuing legal education will be up-to-date and will have new and creative ways to help their clients.
• Convenient location. Location may or may not matter to you.  For some people, they want a lawyer close to home.  For others, the location doesn't matter.  You can decide how important it is for you.
• Compatible personality.  This may be the most important difference-maker for many people.  There are many highly-qualified, experienced and well-trained attorneys around.  Choosing between them may come down to a matter of personality.  Talk with more than one and decide who you feel more comfortable with.

 With all of the above in mind, hopefully you can find an attorney who fits your needs.  If not, keep looking!


 

Do I Need to Hire an Attorney for my Divorce?

Divorce is rarely easy or pleasant.  In most cases, trying to get divorced without an attorney is harder or has a worse outcome.  Lawyers can be expensive, but not having one when you need one is potentially FAR more expensive.

Here's a brief answer to the headline question.

When You Need a Divorce Lawyer:

• When you have kids.  Some of the worst post-divorce headaches come from disputes over the children.  Child support needs to be calculated correctly and ordered precisely so that the obligation is clear and enforceable.  Visitation/possession periods need to be clear and specific.  General language won't be enforceable and vague language will lead to disputes.
• When one spouse is domineering.  That can be physically, emotionally, or financially.  Where one spouse can demand and get whatever he or she wants, the other spouse needs a lawyer to help equalize the power in the negotiations.
• When there are assets or liabilities.  Normally, there will be assets and liabilities that have to be divided between the parties.  The division is not automatically 50-50.  It can significantly favor one party over the other if there is a big difference in income or income earning potential, or if a party has health issues, or if any of a number of other factors exist.  Plus, some assets are overlooked if the parties don't have legal experience or understand how the law applies to their situation.

When You Don't Need a Divorce Lawyer:

• When you have a very short marriage.
• When there are no assets, liabilities or children.

Those circumstances are rare in divorce cases.  Usually, people stay together long enough to acquire things or children before deciding to pull the plug.

The bottom line is that you almost always need a divorce lawyer, if you want to get things done right.

The answer to the title question is -- Yes!

Choosing an Attorney: Should You Get a 2nd Opinion?

If, after talking with a prospective attorney, you feel uncomfortable with the attorney, you should definitely go see another lawyer before you hire one to represent you in a family law matter.  

If you are considering using Collaborative Law to help resolve your family law issue, you need to have a trained Collaborative lawyer.  If you visit with an attorney who says he or she does Collaborative Law, and that attorney says you shouldn't use the process, you should get a second opinion.

You should start with the understanding that Collaborative Law won't work for everyone or in every case.  There may be legitimate reasons why it might be inappropriate, such as someone having serious emotional issues, one or both parties having unreasonable expectations or if one of the parties is untrustworthy, for example.

Sometimes, unfortunately, an attorney  may claim to do Collaborative work just to draw in business, and then the attorney talks the client out of using the process.  Trust your gut on this.  If something doesn't quite feel right, go talk to another Collaborative attorney and get his or her opinion about the suitability of your case for Collaborative.

Warning Sign:  There's a concern if the attorney tries to talk you out of using Collaborative Law, especially if  you and your spouse have investigated it and jointly decided to give it a try.  It's really suspicious if your spouse has already hired a Collaborative attorney.

What Can You Do?  Ask some questions.

1.  Ask if the attorney is a member of the Collaborative Law Institute of Texas, the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals and/or a local practice group.  An active Collaborative lawyer will probably be in at least two of the organizations.

2.  Ask if the attorney has attended at least a 2-day basic training.  If he or she hasn't, they aren't trained properly and probably aren't able to work in the process.

3.  If the attorney has been to a 2-day training, ask when he/she last attended a Collaborative training.  You want someone who stays current.

4.  Ask how many Collaborative Law cases the attorney has handled.  If none, one or two, you should talk with someone who is more experienced.

Caveat:  Don't assume that an attorney who wants to use Collaborative Law in a case, but who has very few Collaborative cases completed, would be unable to competently represent you.  That's not necessarily the case.  Enthusiasm, current knowledge and the cooperation of the other professionals in the case will likely lead to a good result anyway.

Bottom Line:  Check qualifications, go with your gut feeling.

How to Choose an Attorney

When you have decided that you either need to file for divorce, need to defend yourself in litigation or want to know your options, the next step is to consult with an attorney. If you know or have worked with an attorney, it may be easy to contact that attorney and set up a meeting.

On the other hand, if you don't have easy access to a lawyer, you may need help in finding one appropriate for your situation.

Preliminary Considerations

1. What is your objective? Think about what you need to end up with. Do you need cash now? Do you want to stay in the house or get money to buy another house? Do you need retirement assets? Can you handle debts? How will children factor in? Figure out what your needs and goals are so you can discuss these ideas with your attorney. If you have special needs in certain areas, it probably isn't in your best interest to try to just get half of everything. You can be more creative and better meet your needs by thinking about specific needs.

2. How much money do you have available? Frankly, this has a major impact on your course of action. Family law is expensive. Some people will try to handle everything without a lawyer and that sometimes works. For people with children, assets, debts, retirement accounts, houses, investments, professional careers and assets from before the marriage, a lawyer is really necessary. Fortunately, there is a wide range of attorneys available.

As you check around, find out the hourly rate, the amount of retainer and whether credit cards can be used. Some attorneys will use a credit card authorization with monthly payments instead of requiring a large retainer to be maintained with the lawyer. Bottom Line: find an attorney who is affordable for you and your budget. There are good attorneys in all price ranges.

3. Do you want a shark, a negotiator or a reasonable litigator? To help you decide that, you need to answer some other questions. Do you want a friendly divorce, a big battle or a private negotiation? Do you want to take care of your soon-to-be ex, or to be taken care of? Do you want revenge or to inflict pain and get retribution for your spouse's misdeeds?

Keep in mind that if you hire an attorney who will take a scorched earth approach to your spouse, you will pay for it. All the extra threats, demands, hearings, depositions, discovery, pleadings and a trial cost a lot of money. You can inflict a lot of pain on your spouse, but it will severely deplete your assets. You have to decide if the revenge or punishment meted out is worth spending an extra $50,000 or $100,000 or more.

Getting Started

Once you have thought about your course of action, you need to consult with possible attorneys. So, how do you find the right attorney?

1. Get referrals. Talk with attorneys, other professionals and trusted friends and relatives, and ask who they like and trust. But, remember that what worked for someone else may or may not work for you. Follow up with the next two steps.

2. Go online. Research attorneys in your area online. Look at their qualifications and experience. Check out their web site. Read their blog if they have one. You can get a pretty good idea about an attorney by reading what he/she has to say and how it is written.

3. Check for chemistry. Meet with one or more attorneys and see if the chemistry feels right. Some very good attorneys work well with some people, but can never please some others. Go with your gut on this. If you feel comfortable and communicate well with the attorney, that's a good sign. If something doesn't feel right, try someone else.

Final Note: Be honest with your attorney. Don't hide the bad stuff. The other side won't and attorneys hate surprises. Be ready to discusses your weaknesses as well as your strengths.

Choosing a Compatible Attorney

Family law litigation is one of the most serious and important activities you can participate in. A few people try to handle such matters without an attorney, but that is generally ill advised. The issues are rarely simple and common sense often isn't enough to navigate through the court system.

If you are facing divorce or other family law litigation, you have to decide either to hire an attorney to assist you or to take a chance on handling the matter yourself. People who haven't worked with lawyers before often struggle in finding the right attorney for their situation. If you are in that situation, here are some tips for choosing the right attorney.

1. Have your objectives in mind. You need to look at the big picture first. In broad terms, what are your needs or concerns? For example, do you want...

• A fair outcome: property division, custody, visitation or child support terms that are reasonably equal or proportionate.
• To punish your spouse. You may want retribution if your spouse cheated on you, which could happen in various ways.
• An easy divorce. You may not want to fight over things.
• A cheap divorce. You might need to keep the cost as low as possible.
• A money-is-no-object divorce. For the record, from my point of view, that is virtually always a mistake. People almost always come to their senses and put the brakes on the spending.
• To slow down. You may not be emotionally ready for divorce and you may want to slow down the process and draw out the procedures.
• Get it over quickly. You may be ready to finish the divorce even before it's filed. (FYI -- you can't do that.)
• Need help starting over. You may have accepted the idea of getting a divorce, but you may not be fully prepared for your new life. Maybe you need time, training, income, new job, a place to live, etc. Starting a new life is not easy.
• A Collaborative divorce. You may want to work with a Collaborative Law team to have a civilized, private divorce where you find creative solutions to your issues. You would need a trained Collaborative lawyer for this.
  

2. Get recommendations and research on line. Every attorney should have a web site by now. Look for ratings that are available from various source. Check for useful information on the web site about the issues that concern you. Look at their qualifications. Are they Board Certified? How much experience do they have? If the attorney has written anything that is published on line, read it to get a feel for the attorney. Do you like what you read?

3. Meet with one or more attorneys. Have a clear idea of what outcome you are looking for. Write down questions in advance and take them with you. Observe whether the attorney listens to you or just talks about himself or herself. Make sure there's good chemistry. Do you feel comfortable with the attorney? Make sure the attorney fees are compatible with your budget as well.

Conclusions:

• There are many good attorneys available with different pricing and different approaches. You won't hurt the attorney's feelings if you choose someone else. You have the right to choose whomever you want. You don't have to choose the first one you see or hear about. Shop around. It's OK to interview several and then decide.
• Make sure the attorney's approach is consistent with what you want. You probably shouldn't hire an attorney who listens a little and then starts telling you what you want.
• Make sure the chemistry feels right. The intangible factors can make a big difference. If something doesn't feel right, go with that feeling. Likewise, if you feel very comfortable with an attorney, that's a good reason to hire that one.
  

Finding an attorney who is compatible with you is a key element in obtaining the best possible outcome for you in family law litigation.

How to Find the Best Lawyer in Tarrant County, Texas

Many people apparently are looking for the best lawyer in Tarrant County, Texas. Not just any lawyer, the best lawyer. I know that from some research I have done about what people are asking Google and other search engines. It is certainly understandable that someone who suddenly needs a lawyer to end a marriage would want to find the best one around. It's not only part of our competitive nature, but it's also common sense.

Or, sometimes they want the meanest lawyer. I previously wrote about getting the meanest lawyer -- that's a different discussion! For now, let's discuss how to find the best lawyer, wherever you are. Here are some things to consider.

1. You need to define what makes a lawyer the best one for you. What are the most important qualities that you are looking for? Do you want a business-like personality or someone who is very personable and casual? Do you want a very structured attorney or a looser approach? Some lawyers are somewhat to very abrasive and others are instantly your best friend. You should meet with several lawyers and get to know something about their personalities and approach to practicing law.

2. Another stylistic option is whether you want a decision-maker or an option-developer. Some lawyers get the facts of the case and then start telling clients what to do. Other lawyers help clients develop a variety of options and then assist them in choosing a course of action. Some clients just want to turn over their legal matter to their attorney and let the attorney take care of it. How involved do you want to be?

3. What is the financial range of fees you are comfortable with? Generally, the more experience or more demand there is for a lawyer, the higher the fees will be. More expensive lawyers aren't always the best, but they often are much better than inexpensive lawyers. If your case is very complicated or unusual, you may want to hire an experienced attorney, but make sure you can afford the attorney. Even among very good attorneys, there will be a range of fees that they charge.

4. Do you want or need a trial lawyer or a settlement specialist? Don't assume that you necessarily want to take your case to trial. Likewise, you shouldn't assume that you case will be settled. It is true that most family law cases settle, but some have to be tried. You should consider both approaches and find out how prospective lawyers view your case.

5. Sometimes, location can be a consideration. You generally want to hire a lawyer in your own county, or wherever the suit is located. But, you may or may not have to go to your attorney's office very much after the attorney is hired. Much of the contact between lawyers and clients takes place over the Internet or by phone or fax. However, you probably should hire someone local who is familiar with the local courts, judges and courthouse personnel.

Ultimately, your decision should consider a number of factors. Chemistry is a key element. Does your personality fit with the attorney's personality? If you don't get along with or like the attorney, don't hire him or her. Look up the attorney on line and combine that information with your observations. Don't go just on reputation. Go with your gut feeling on whether this will be the best lawyer in Tarrant County for you.

The Top 10 Reasons Why People Don't Hire an Attorney

Many people facing difficult decisions have a hard time making the decision that they often know, down deep inside, that they need to make. Some people, at the beginning of a divorce or other family law issue, face that dilemma. Intellectually, they know what they need to do -- get started. They also know the first step is to hire an attorney. But, for a variety of reasons, they may have a really difficult time taking that step.

The following are 10 common reasons that people will use to convince themselves, or to give permission to themselves, to delay hiring an attorney. They know that once the attorney is hired, the process will begin. It's sometimes hard to face the changes that will follow, so they take the "easy way out" and put off the decision. If you are in that limbo, check the list here to see if any apply to you as you mull over your options and decide whether to hire an attorney.

1. You have now calmed down after you had gotten very upset following a discussion/argument with your spouse. It is a good idea to make important decisions when you are calm and rational, instead of while you are in the heat of a battle. Maybe it would have been a bad idea to start a divorce. On the other hand, you can think through a decision and carefully weigh the issues, looking at the pros and cons of different courses of action. If you decide against legal action after careful thought after you have calmed down, that likely is the right decision for you.

2. It could be a situation where someone else was pushing you to get started and they are not around now. Everyone has well-meaning "advisors", usually family and friends, who are willing to advise you and try to help you manage your life. Sometimes, without their encouragement and support, it's easy to change course and not do what you probably should be doing.

3. A very common affliction for people needing to make major decisions is procrastination. It seems like some people procrastinate more often than others, but everyone will put off difficult or momentous decisions at one time or another. Sometimes people get caught up in trying to gather all the information they can before deciding or they may come up with other reasons. Get help, if you need it, but make a decision.

4. Some aren't sure what they want to do, so they just want to think about it some more. That may be a form of procrastination, but it can be for other reasons. Leaving a marriage is an emotional decision as well as an rational decision. If a person has not reached the point of deciding that there is no hope for marriage, for example, it is very hard to take the step of hiring an attorney. This is a situation where the person may have to wait a little while and work through the emotions.

5. You can't get off work or you're sick or you have a sick child or other family member. Those are just excuses. You can figure out how to get off work. A sick person will get well or will improve to the point where you can take time away from them, or you can get someone to temporarily relieve you.

6. You don't want to be the one to file first. That is an important decision for some people. They are usually not aware of the fact that there are some advantages in court for being the one to file first. You should consult with an attorney and determine whether the advantages are important enough to you to go ahead and file.

7. You don't think you can get the money together to file. That can be a realistic consideration because attorneys can't work for free. On the other hand, different attorneys charge different retainers and hourly rates. Some may charge flat fees, although flat fees are not bargain rates or cheap -- they are just predictable because the attorney sets the total fee at the outset. The attorney may look over your situation and figure out where your fees can come from. Judges in Tarrant County divorce cases are pretty good about equalizing the fees available to each party. Don't let your perceived lack of funds keep you from talking to attorneys.

8. Your spouse said s/he would try to work out things with you informally or would s/he would "change" and the problems would go away. Maybe those things will happen, and maybe not. It's still best to have an attorney working with you to protect your interests.

9. You're not sure your family will want you to do this or you don't want to look bad to them. That could happen, but your family isn't the one living with your spouse or experiencing the problems you are experiencing. Your family probably doesn't know all the nitty-gritty details and they don't have the same consequences you see.

10. You trust your spouse and believe s/he and her/his attorney won't take advantage of you. Sometimes that works out, but why risk it? Your spouse, and especially her/his attorney, will understand your desire to have someone on your side. If they act upset, chances are they were planning to take advantage of you.

The bottom line is that if you are facing legal action for a divorce or other family law matter, you should consult with an attorney right to learn about your legal rights and opportunities and to discuss possible legal strategies. It is much better to plan ahead and be prepared. I have had people come in a month, two months or six months before filing, and they leave feeling better because they understand what's going on now and what their options are. You should meet with an attorney whenever you are in a similar situation.

Hopefully, this will provide some encouragement so that people will feel strong enough to take the step that will help them in the long run.

What Personality Style of Attorney Do You Want?

It is a fact that every attorney is different from all other attorneys. This is obvious for people who have frequent contact with attorneys. There are differences in knowledge, experience, temperament, interest, connections, confidence, age, reputation, and on and on. On top of the unique characteristics of each attorney, there is the consideration of chemistry. When people look for an attorney, they need to meet with the attorney and get to know him/her. Clients need to make sure there's a good connection on multiple levels.

One of the factors that is often overlooked is how decision-making is shared between attorney and client. Just as in other facets of the attorney-client relationship, there are a variety of approaches. Here are some common ones, from my observation.

Paternal/Controlling/Directing -- Strong, experienced attorney who makes the decisions and then tells the client what to do. These attorneys often feel that it is their "duty" to tell clients what to do, even if the client wants something very different. This is a fairly common approach. The attorney doesn't need to consult with the client to find out what the client wants to do or not do. What often happens, if the attorney finds out the client's feelings, is that the client's wishes are often overruled by the attorney. Sometimes that creates friction between attorney and client. Other times a client feels well protected and cared for. Either way, the result is often a more protracted court case and higher attorney's fees.

Avenging Angel -- Defender of a client perceived by the attorney to be weak and unable to defend her/himself. This is usually a "light" version of the Controlling attorney. Here, the attorney guides and directs the client, but is willing to jump in and make decisions for the client who the attorney believes is incapable or ineffective in looking out for the client's own best interests.

Mouthpiece -- Speaks for the client using the client's words; little input from the attorney. Whatever the client wants, the attorney will advocate it, even if the attorney knows or should know that the action will be counterproductive. This attorney sees him/herself as standing in the client's shoes, doing what the client wants to do, but doing it better -- following the proper legal channels.

Partnership -- Fairly equal participation. This attorney becomes an ally and often is not very objective. The attorney will listen to the client and discuss what the client wants and needs. They will often talk strategy and the attorney explains things to the client, allowing the client to have some input in decision-making.

Goal-focused Facilitator -- Tries to work at a higher level, focusing on what's truly important to the client; gives pros and cons and lets the client make the decision. This attorney works to create an informed and empowered client.

Some attorneys are aware of what type of attorney personality they have, but many are not. Those who are unaware simply believe, based on what they were taught or observed, that their style is the only way (or best way) to practice law.

Some attorneys will switch from one style to another, depending on the circumstances and the personality of their clients.

What should you do about this? Before you meet with an attorney, try to find former clients and others who know the attorney whom you can talk with. When you are interviewing an attorney to hire for a case, ask questions about how the attorney views his/her relationship with the client and listen carefully to how the attorney describes his/her actions in prior cases. What you are looking for is someone you are comfortable with. There's no single right answer for everyone. It's usually best to follow your gut instinct as you decide whether the chemistry is right when choosing your lawyer.