Why is it Taking so Long?

There's more to a divorce than the start and finish.

In many divorces, one party is much readier to finish the process than the spouse is.  Usually, that party has been thinking about and planning for the divorce quietly for a long time. The ready party often becomes very anxious to get through the process and start a new single life.

Unfortunately for that person, the spouse can really slow down the process by requesting counseling, doing extensive discovery, having multiple hearings and by refusing to agree on things.  The party in a hurry gets frustrated by how slow the process moves and that's understandable, but basically unavoidable.

Aside from the actions a spouse may take to intentionally slow down the process, there are a number of requirements or actions that typically put the brakes on any attempt to speed through a divorce. Here are some to keep in mind.

1.  Time must pass.  There is a 60-day waiting period in Texas and some sort of waiting period in most states. The petition for divorce must be on file with the court for at least two months before a divorce can be granted.  In addition, if you want to finish right after the 60 days is up, you need to have an agreement with your spouse.  That requires a spouse who is emotionally and financially ready to finalize the divorce, and that doesn't always happen right away.

2. Temporary arrangements are set up.  In most cases, temporary orders are set up by agreement or by going to court.  Experienced attorneys can pretty well figure out what you can get in a given court -- most judges have some standard rules and provisions.  One way or another, temporary orders usually are established for the benefit and protection of both parties.

3. Transitions are planned.  This may take place with the temporary orders, but there are a number of other transitional issues to cover.  The parties need to understand that their lives are changing and one or both will need financial help and time to set up separate households, possibly make career changes and deal with how to share their children.  One may have to go back to school.  Sometimes it's hard to find a job. Courts usually try to provide some help to the disadvantaged party on a temporary basis.

4. Information must be gathered.  This can be done formally through written discovery and depositions, or informally by requesting and receiving an documents that either party wants to see.  It's really helpful to prepare a spreadsheet with the assets and liabilities.  It's also pretty standard to get an Inventory and Appraisement from each party.  It's a formal, sworn statement listing the assets and liabilities in great detail.  An Inventory gets both parties to think carefully about what they have and may reduce the temptation to hide assets.

5.  Creating a strategy.  You need to come up with a strategy for a satisfactory conclusion.  Figure out what you want to end up with and you should try to imagine what your spouse will likely want.  Your strategy should allow both your and your spouse's needs to be met, if you want to settle. That sometimes takes a lot of creativity and some time.

6. Planning to settle.  Almost every divorce settles, so you need to figure out how and when that can happen. Sometimes, settlements come from informal negotiations over time.  That's usually when both parties are fairly rational and both are motivated to get the divorce over with. In more difficult cases, mediation is used and that is a very successful process.  If agreement can't be reached informally or at mediation, then the case is set for court.  Even then, many cases will settle at the courthouse, either just before trial or during trial.  Very few cases go all the way through trial. Of course, your case could be the rare one!

7.  Allow time for paperwork.  Unfortunately, just reaching an agreement is not enough.  After that necessary step, there's still a lot to be done.  A decree of divorce must be prepared and sometimes negotiated.  In some cases, we use an additional agreement incident to divorce to include provisions we don't want in the public record.When there's a retirement account to be divided, we prepare a qualified domestic relations order (QDRO).,  There are deeds, powers of attorney and various other documents to be prepared as well.  Many times it takes 3-4 weeks to get the paperwork drafted, negotiated and signed, and it can take longer if there are serious disagreements.

Every divorce is different.  You may have a friend or a friend of a friend who got a quick divorce in a couple of months, but don't assume that yours will go as smoothly.  That is a very rare exception. Talk to your lawyer at the outset about your hopes and expectations.  Your lawyer can help you get a fairly realistic idea of what your case might entail, but initial thoughts are subject to revision several times as you go through a divorce.  As things change, don't be surprised if you timeline changes.

Please try to be patient.

What Does it Take to Finish?

A couple of days ago, I got a call from a woman who was upset because her divorce was taking a long time to finish.  She had an attorney (not me), but was thinking about changing because the divorce wasn't finished up. She thought by now, it should be over.

I found out that she had filed, temporary orders had been made, they had completed discovery by responding to the requests of each party and both parties wanted the divorce to be over with.  I guess she thought everything would easily fall into place.

The missing ingredient seems to be "agreement".  Without that, it will take longer to finish.  

Here's what people in that situation should expect:

• The attorneys will go to Court and prepare a scheduling order with deadlines and a final trial date.  Normally included in the schedule is mediation, a very effective way to settle the case.
• Mediation can be set up soon since discovery has been finished.  If they were still missing some information, the attorneys would probably hold off setting the mediation until the information is produced.  It's hard to mediate and settle with incomplete information.
• Reach agreement.  This is usually accomplished at mediation or in follow-up negotiations.  

Then as they say on TV, "but wait, there's more":

• Paperwork.  There's a final decree or court order.  It's usually very detailed, so it's enforceable.  There may be a wage assignment form and some other forms the attorneys prepare that you don't have to deal with.  There may be a deed or deeds, a power of attorney to change a car title and some other miscellaneous papers to be signed.  Even though attorneys deal with these documents all the time, it is still time consuming to produce and proofread them.
• Prove-up.  One or both parties, with attorneys, will appear at court to briefly prove-up the divorce.  It's a simple hearing, but the Judge needs to hear testimony in most cases to be able to sign the papers.

If you don't reach agreement in mediation, you will have to wait longer for resolution.  Your trial date is very often 9 months to a year after the date of the scheduling conference at Court. After a trial, you still have to do all the paperwork and then get it signed.

By the way, her divorce had only been on file for about 3 months when she called me.  I had to tell her that her divorce was still a very young one, that if they didn't agree, it would probably take another 6-12 months to get to trial.

If you're in a hurry,  you need to settle. 

Are There Shortcuts to Divorces?

One of the biggest concerns of  people going through a divorce or other family law process is how long it takes to complete it.  Initially, it may just be one of the parties who is upset about the slow pace, but after a while, both parties often are very anxious to end it.  The parties often ask their attorneys to speed up the process, but that is difficult.  Your only avenue for quick action is to come to an agreement.  That involves the other side in the case, which means compromise.

If you find yourself looking for shortcuts in the divorce process, here are some things to keep in mind.

1.  Be clear with your attorney about what your objectives and priorities are. If you prefer speed over thoroughness or over cost considerations, tell your attorney.  If there are certain outcomes that are most important to you, such as getting primary custody or having an expanded visitation schedule or keeping the house, be sure to discuss those with your attorney.  To end the divorce quickly, your attorney needs to know what you absolutely need to end up with.

2.  Be prepared to pay more to your attorney in the near future.  If you want to speed up the process, that probably means that your attorney will get very busy and put in a lot more time on your case right away.  That means much more cost to you, so be prepared for that.  There is a trade off.  More work = higher attorney's fees.

3.  "Haste makes waste."  Benjamin Franklin's saying applies here.  You may miss something if you and your attorney are speeding through the process.  Attorneys will usually look through the information the get and try to figure out if anything is missing.  If you rush, you will probably not get a complete or accurate picture of the finances or other important facts.  That could cost you in the long run.

4.  Pushing hard to speed up the case could derail the process.  People need time to process issues and decisions dealing with family matters.  If you push too hard or push in the wrong way, your spouse may just stop.  It takes both sides together to move quickly through the legal system.  Your spouse could just freeze up if he or she feels too much pressure.  You have to think about the most effect way to motivate your spouse or ex.

5.  You may have to give up something you really want or expect.  It's normally not possible for you to force the other side to move quickly and to do things your way.  Quite often, you trade value for speed.  You have to decide if your spouse is demanding too much to come to a quick agreement.

Here are three points to remember if you think you want to try a shortcut so you can finish up your family law issue:

• Shortcuts aren't always short.  Sometimes they backfire.
• Shortcuts aren't always effective.  Your spouse or ex has a say in whether an agreement is reached.
• Shortcuts may turn into a bumpy road.  Getting to an agreement can be a very unpleasant process.

Zen, Running and Divorce -- Life Lessons

There is an interesting blog, unrelated to divorce or family law, that I like to read that's always full of thought-provoking posts. Yesterday's post in the Zen Habits blog, "Ten Life Lessons from a Reluctant Runner" was about life lessons related to running, but I immediately applied the lessons to divorce situations. I liked the article initially because I am a runner (disclaimer: I admit I'm not fast), but I thought the lessons from running could easily translate into ideas to help ease the stress of dealing with divorce and other family law issues.

I invite you to read the original post. Even if you're not a runner, you can probably appreciate her view of life. For this post, I am taking her lessons and applying them in another context. See if this makes sense to you.

"1. Sometimes things that suck are also awesome." Ever hear the phrase, "behind every cloud, there's a silver lining"? It's often hard to see the silver lining when you go through a divorce or other family law conflict, but change often leads to improvement, even though it's painful at the time. Being forced to confront your financial situation may help you plan better for the future and even change course to look for better opportunities.

"2. It's all mental." I don't know that I would agree that a divorce is 100% mental, but how you approach a situation mentally sure does have a major impact on whether it is upsetting to you or doesn't bother you. People really can choose how they will react to difficult situations. Focusing on the negative and thinking about how terrible you have it will not be helpful. It is much better to be looking forward.

"3. There's a discernible difference between pain and discomfort." Some things are major pains and require a re-analysis and new direction. Most things are more at the discomfort level which you can quickly overcome, if you allow and encourage yourself to do so.

"4. Equipment matters -- find what works for you." This is not a direct comparison, but you need to have a lawyer to help you through the legal process and you should make sure the lawyer has the knowledge and experience needed and that there is good chemistry between you and the lawyer. If you try one attorney and it doesn't seem to work out, go ahead and make a change.

"5. Take joy in small accomplishments." All issues are not alike. Keep in mind that not everything is life or death in divorce. Making small progress toward the outcomes you want should be considered a good thing. You rarely make giant-sized progress toward your goals. You should feel good for every small step that goes your way (and don't obsess about the things that don't work out!).

"6. Inconsistency is OK." Don't expect things to go smoothly or to flow all in the same direction. If judges are deciding issues, there can be inconsistent result on different issues for a variety of reasons. Don't worry about it.

"7. It feels good to pick up your pace at the finish." Most people are anxious to finalize their divorce once they get near the finish. Don't slow it down by bringing up last-minute, annoying issues that simply prolong the fighting. Keep your major objectives in mind and don't get caught up with minor battles.

"8. But, slow down at the beginning, already." Sometimes, you don't have a choice about how fast you have to act at the beginning, but remember that a divorce takes time. Don't be impatient to finish up something too quickly that will affect you the rest of your life financially and in terms of family relationships.

"9. Play is critical. Always." Don't take everything too seriously. Stop and try to relax and not think about the divorce all day long. Get involved in exercise and physical activity. Volunteer and help others. Do something fun occasionally. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money.

"10. It's OK to trick yourself." Sometimes it's hard to face a big project, and that makes it easy to avoid. One way to attack it is to commit yourself to working on something for just 15 or 30 minutes or an hour. If you stop then, you are that much farther down the road. Often, though, it becomes easy to stretch the time as you discover that the work is not as hard as you thought it would be. The trick is breaking it down into small pieces.

Hopefully, you can apply some of these life lessons as you run or work your way through a divorce or family law issue.

How Can it Take a Long Time to Resolve a Simple Case?

Recently, I was talking with a potential client and we got to the point of discussing attorney fees. She clearly viewed her case as a fairly simple matter, and it could be in some circumstances. I quoted a substantial retainer and she asked why it would be so much for a limited case, which was a perfectly understandable question. I explained that I didn't know how many hearings there would be and she asked how there could be more than one hearing. So I gave her a number of possible scenarios that could lead to delay and multiple court dates. She was surprised, but understood.

Why does a case take so long? Here are some of the common reasons why any family law case may get delayed over a long period of time.

1. It may not really be simple at all. Although a party may think it is uncomplicated, an attorney may look at a situation and instantly see many possible problems that have to be dealt with.

2. One party or the other may have received short notice of a hearing, so the hearing must be reset to comply with the rules or for fairness.

3. A party may need time to hire an attorney.

4. A party may need time to get money to pay for an attorney.

5. An attorney may have a scheduling conflict.

6. An attorney may need time to prepare for an unexpected issue.

7. Discovery of information and records may need to be done before the case can proceed.

8. The case may need to go to mediation.

9. The judge may not be available or may be too busy for a hearing on a given day.

10. Bad weather can cause a postponement.

11. There may be a holiday (federal, state or local).

12. Someone may be on vacation.

13. A witness may be unavailable.

14. Some important details may change.

15. A new witness may have been found and further preparation may be necessary.

16. Someone may be ill.

17. There could be a problem in taking care of a child on a given day.

18. The judge may need or take more time to decide.

19. The judge may order the attorneys to prepare a brief on an issue.

20. A hearing may take longer than planned and the conclusion may have to be reset later.

The above are all legitimate reasons that come up and cause delays in cases. On top of that, the other party may stall intentionally for various reasons, and that's hard to control.

Sometimes, delay helps you and sometimes it doesn't, but you have to be prepared for delays in any litigation. It's just part of the process. Talk to your attorney early if you have concerns about the timing. Good luck in getting your case resolved.