Getting Expert Help

Divorces can be simple, somewhat complicated or very complicated.  At a time when more and more people want to "Do it Yourself", some people seem to act as if their divorces were simpler than they are  You have a simple divorce if the marriage is very short, there are no kids and almost no property has been acquired during the marriage.

If you have a long-term marriage, kids, retirement assets, investments, a house, other significant assets or debts, you have a somewhat- to very-complicated divorce.

My suggestion is that you think long-term and get some help if you have a complicated divorce.  You don't necessarily need all of the following in every case, but you should get whatever help will benefit you.

1.  Attorney.  If you are in the complicated category, you need an attorney.  You want to get the paperwork right and you don't want to overlook or mishandle important legal issues. It's not such a great trade off to save money on the attorney fees initially, but then have to spend the money later trying to fix something.

2.  Mediator.  Mediation is a great process for resolving disputes.  It is used in almost all divorces at some point.  If you can't directly negotiate a settlement, which is normally the case, mediation gives you a safe, effective means to come to an agreement with the help of a neutral mediator.

3.  Counseling.  Sometimes, you can get back together through counseling, but more often the real value of counseling is that it can lead to peace.  You can learn to live with your situation better and maybe avoid fighting with your ex.  Counseling is a good investment for both parties, even if you're not "crazy".

4.  Financial Advisor.  We use them in almost every Collaborative Law case, but they are also very helpful in litigated/negotiated divorces where there are retirement assets or other significant assets.  Why not look for beneficial ways to divide things so you can save some money?  Just splitting everything in half is often not the best result for both parties. 

5.  CPA.  In many cases, it helps to have a CPA review a settlement proposal before it is locked down. There may be unexpected tax consequences or just a better way to do things that could save taxes.  It's not very expensive to get peace of mind or possibly save some money.

There's no "one size fits all" solution for how to do a divorce.  The amount and type of help you need depends on the circumstances of your case.  If you don't have a simple divorce, you should consider the experts above and hire the ones who can help.  It can save money and give you peace in the long run.

How Finances Affect Divorces

A recent post by James J. Gross in the Maryland Divorce Legal Crier mentioned a topic that seems to be coming up a lot lately. Many people assume that hard times produce more divorces and that divorce attorneys are busier. I have even heard comments that the Recession must be "good for (divorce) business".

Although I haven't done any research on the topic and can only speak about my own experience, I haven't found the economic downturn to be a significant contributor to divorces. The number of people calling about divorces seems to be pretty steady and there has been no noticeable increase in the number of cases I have accepted. Actually, one effect of the economic situation is that probably some people are having more problems in coming up with the funds to pay legal fees.

Money certainly can be an issue between spouses, but that is just as true in good times. In economic hard times, there may be a tendency, at least in the short term, for couples to stay together and jointly battle through the financial problems, sharing the work and rewards. In good and bad times, there always seem to be an abundance of divorce and other family law cases.

One factor that may be a change and that is showing up more and more is that there is sometimes less in assets to divide. In fact, in many families, the amount of debt to be allocated is greater than the value of their assets. Once families split up, that problem becomes worse because there are suddenly more expenses that must be paid, but there's no increase in money to pay the bills with. In addition, there are major student loan balances to be paid; with tuition and fees going up and less college funds to give out, students and/or their parents get stuck paying back high debts for years. Add to that the big mortgages that used to be easily available. Many people ended up in bigger houses than they needed because it was easy to qualify for the mortgage and it looked like the payback would not be a problem.

There are a few solutions to the financial problems: win the lottery, inherit substantial assets or own an oil or gas well. For pretty much everybody, those are not anything to count on. Instead, a divorce financial planner might be an excellent investment. We use planners in Collaborative divorces, but they could be used in traditional litigated divorces either working with one party or working as a neutral for both parties, if the parties are fairly cooperative. The divorce financial planner can help with projections and tax advice which can give a new perspective leading to solutions to issues that may have lead previously to deadlock and argument between the parties.

The lesson to be learned here: if a solution is impossible for the situation you face, change the variables and look for solutions in completely new and different areas (outside the box). Throw out the old limitations and just ask, "Why not?".

Where to Turn for Help After It’s Over

Once a divorce or other family law matter is completed, the parties usually begin to feel a sense of relief. Sometimes the case has been bitter and hard-fought, and other times the case may have been rather amicable or even tedious, but the case is rarely completely over. There always seem to be loose ends, unanticipated wrinkles and nagging questions.

To address the situation, several things things can be done to assist people in their transition to living under new arrangements.

1. You can get professional, skilled help for big and small problems. Your attorney can probably recommend other appropriate professionals to assist you to work with the following professionals:

• Personal counselors: They can help you through the grieving process or help you or your children deal with your new situation.

• Life coaches: They are not therapists, but they help people determine what they want to accomplish and then the best way to accomplish it.

• Financial planners: There are different types of financial planners. You should look for someone appropriate for your financial needs and abilities. Some people have to take on management responsibility that they don’t know about and haven’t dealt with before. It helps to have someone on your side in determining how to manage your income, assets and liabilities. Many people appreciate having an expert help them plan for retirement.

• Parenting programs: Many free or low cost classes on parenting and co-parenting are. Experienced specialists in parenting issues are also available to meet and work with one parent or both parents. It is so important to "get it right" about the kids, that each parent should put in extra time and effort now to be able to receive the benefit of great relationships later, and to make sure your kids get their best possible start in life.

• Access Facilitation: The Tarrant County Domestic Relations Office offers free Access Facilitation by experienced and trained social workers who help the parties try to resolve parenting conflicts sensibly. It is a free service and it usually is successful, although it may take several sessions.

• Employment options: If needed, there are specialists who help people decide on career options and transition into or out of the work force.

• CPA: There are many CPAs who can help with your financial and tax issues.

• Free seminars and programs: Periodically, there are free programs of many types for clients and your attorney can pass along that information to people who are interested or you can watch for news stories, newspaper articles, newsletters or blogs on your own.

2. Your attorney can probably recommend some books and web sites to look at on a variety of topics relating to various aspects of post-court life.

3. Many attorneys can act as a legal clearinghouse in non-family law matters to help you find excellent attorneys for your needs in your local area, and to some extent all around Texas and even in other states.

4. An after-care program for you, if offered by your attorney once your legal matter is concluded, can be invaluable. Having a consultation within 60 days of the date the final court order is signed could provide an opportunity to:

• Answer your questions.
• Explain the language in the order
• Explain the procedures in the order
• Discuss your options
• Recommend any other professionals who should be brought in

Many people have a difficult time after the final court order is signed. Their lives don’t just magically fall back into place. There are a number of things set out above that they can do to get appropriate help as soon as they need it, or even in advance of their need. The transition time after the final order should not be overlooked.