8 Reasons Why You Should Get A Prenuptial Agreement

Thanks to Michael Sherman's Alabama Family Law Blog, I saw a great post that originated in the Prenuptial Agreements blog. That blog is obviously very specialized and seems to cover the subject from many different angles. I recommend that anyone thinking about a prenuptial agreement read through the various posts on different aspects of prenuptial agreements. The following is the post that originally appeared in the Prenuptial Agreements blog.

"A prenuptial agreement is an agreement between two people that deals with the financial consequences of their marriage ending.
All marrying couples have a 'prenuptial agreement' - it is known as 'divorce law.' However, a lot of people are unhappy with the way divorce law works, and prefer to take control of their lives, rather than leave it in the hands of the government. In these cases, it makes a lot of sense to get a customized prenup.

Getting a prenuptial agreement is particularly important in these 8 cases:

1. You are much wealthier than your partner. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that your partner is marrying you for who you are, and not for your money.

2. You earn much more than your partner. A prenuptial agreement can be used in many states to limit the amount of alimony that is payable.

3. You are remarrying. When you remarry, your legal and financial concerns are often very different than in your first marriage. You may have children from a previous marriage, support obligations, and own a home or other significant assets. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that when you pass away, your assets are distributed according to your wishes, and that neither your first family, nor your new family are cut off.

4. Your partner has a high debt load. If you are marrying someone with a significant debt load, and don't want to be responsible for these debts if your marriage ends, then a prenuptial agreement can help ensure that this does not happen.

5. You own part of a business. Without a prenuptial agreement, when your marriage ends, your spouse could end up owning a share of your business. Your business partners may not want this to happen. A prenup can ensure that your spouse does not become an unwanted partner in your business.

6. To prevent your spouse from overturning your estate plan. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that you estate plan works, and, for instance, ensure that a specific heirloom remains in your family.

7. You are much poorer than your partner. Just as a prenuptial agreement can be used to protect a spouse who is well off, a prenup can also be used to ensure that the partner who is weaker financially is protected.

8. If you plan to quit your job to raise children. Quitting your job will negatively impact your income and your wealth. A prenuptial agreement can ensure that the financial burden of raising the children is shared fairly by both partners."

If any of these situations apply, you should contact an attorney right away to discuss whether a prenuptial agreement is advantageous in your situation. There are many considerations to make in deciding whether to pursue or oppose an agreement, but the presence of one of these conditions should make you stop and think about the possibility of negotiating an agreement. Even discussing the issue with your fiance can lead to hurt feelings and stress at a sometimes very difficult time in your life, so proceed cautiously. But do consider taking action for the reasons listed above. If you don't act in time, you can always consider a post-nuptial agreement, but that might be harder to get your new spouse to agree to. The best course is to act before you get married.

Engagements Should be Taken Seriously!

A Florida court has recently accepted a jury verdict awarding a woman $150,000.00 against her former fiance who had ended their engagement. Here is a link to the story. Apparently, the woman had given up a high paying job and made other sacrifices to move the the city in Florida where her fiance lived. The verdict was somewhat unusual because engagements are broken off all the time and there's rarely any litigation over it. The promise to marry is not usually the basis for a good law suit. The ex-fiance plans to appeal, so we'll have to wait a while for the final word.

Why Parents Fight Over Custody -- 20 Quick Reasons

Custody fights occur probably more frequently than they need to during divorces. Many factors and forces come into play and result in litigation over child custody. Here are some of the common reasons why parents may engage in a custody fight. Anyone going through a divorce and contemplating a custody fight should take some time to realistically assess their motivation and the probability of success in a custody fight. If you are thinking about beginning a custody fight, take a minute and look at the following list. Mark the reason or reasons for your consideration of a custody fight. Dig below the surface and be honest! Think about which reasons are really good and appropriate reasons for contesting custody.

1. The parent has a sincere belief that he/she is the better parent.

2. A wife may want to avoid the embarrassment of being a mother who doesn't have custody of her child.

3. The parent may be really mad at the other parent, often on an issue not at all related to kids. It's a way to really demonstrate anger and get a response.

4. One parent may use the fight to punish the other parent. It's an opportunity to say some really bad and hurtful things about the other spouse. It may seem like an easy way to get revenge.

5. It can be an easy way to control the other parent. Getting started in a custody fight usually involves a great deal of court or agency oversight. Just making some allegations will produce a "lock-down" approach where severe restrictions can be imposed on the other party.

6. A custody fight, or even the threat of one, can help a parent gain a strategic concession on some other issue, i.e. property division. The reward for giving up a custody fight (even one that was surely a loser) may be some substantial assets given up by the other parent.

7. Amazingly, some parents will try to win custody primarily to avoid paying child support. Those parents obviously have not been very involved in raising kids.

8. Sometimes, there's a fight because a parent doesn't like the proposed visitation scheme. That's a "nothing to lose" approach. If the visitation schedule won't work, maybe having custody will.

9. The parent can't imagine being away from the child.

10. Family pressure may provoke a custody fight where a parent might not have tried it if the parent had been left alone.

11. Religious reasons, i.e. how the child is to be raised, may be the motivation of a deeply committed parent if the other parent does not share the beliefs or depth of beliefs of the first parent.

12. Mental or emotional issues of the parent wanting custody may lead to the action. Sometimes, a parent does not view the world in the same way that most of society does. A person with a maladjusted point of view may feel compelled to seek custody when objective and well-grounded parents would not.

13. A desire to maintain an active parenting role could be the motivation. Of course, there are many different ways to be an active, involved parent.

14. When there's a strong disagreement about the care-taking plans for the child, a custody fight can easily develop.

15. A parent may seek custody if there is a belief that the parent has superior resources for taking care of the child, i.e. the parent has more money and can afford to provide a better home, better schools and better opportunities for the child.

16. A mom may believe that the mother should always have custody.

17. A parent may believe that the child is more bonded to one of the parents.

18. The custody fight may just be an effort to financially ruin the other spouse.

19. Trying to win custody may be an effort to avoid having the child around the other spouse's family.

20. Sometimes, one parent may just enjoy fighting with the other parent.

Which of these is your motivation? Which ones do you think are good reasons for a custody fight? I think 1, 8, 11, 13, 14, 15 and 17 are appropriate reasons in some circumstances. What do you think? In addition to the costs involved, think about what your true, underlying reasons are for seeking custody. There may be some much better long-term alternatives available which you and your attorney can come up with.

Untraditional Custody Plans

A small article in the July 6, 2008 Parade magazine had some interesting comments about fathers' roles with their children after a divorce. The story mentioned the obvious, that many fathers lose contact with their children after a divorce and that most fathers are given the right to see their children two weekends a month and a few hours during the week. The Texas standard possession schedule is actually more generous than what Parade mentioned, but it still constitutes a huge change for those fathers who are used to seeing and interacting with their children every day.

There were two alternatives mentioned in the article that were interesting. One, which is becoming more common, is to have equal time. It used to be that judges would never consider that. Now, however, there seems to be more openness to such an approach. "Equal time" is easy to discuss in the abstract, but can be complicated when day care, homework, school activities and extra-curricular activities are factored in. Sometimes, religious activities also complicate matters. It's probably too early to say that there is a consensus that such a time sharing is good or bad for the kids or that both parents like the arrangement. Trying such an approach would require a lot of cooperation and maturity with the parents. Living close together would also be helpful. If parents really think they want to try to share time equally, they would be well advised to bring in a child specialist who could help them work through the practical details and adjustments that would be required for success.

Another possibility is to set a proportionate schedule where each parent has the children about the same amount of time that they were with the children when the couple was together. Of course, there are some potential difficulties with that approach. The parties would need to live near each other, preferably in the same school district, so there wouldn't be much travel time. Another complication is when one or both parents change jobs, or start working, which could affect the time availability for the parents. Also, a parent may not have been able to spend much time with the children for a period just before the separation, but now is able and wanting to spend more time with the children.

A complication under both approaches is how to handle child support. Sometimes, with equal time, neither party pays child support; many such parents refuse to pay child support because the other parent does not have "primary possession" of the children. In other cases, child support is figured for each parent and then the higher-income parent pays the difference (or half the difference) in the two amounts to the other parent.

Other issues to be resolved include the right to the tax exemptions for the children and the right to make certain essential decisions, such as medical care and education, for the children.

How to be a successful custody innovator:

1. Don't limit yourself to preconceived ideas or standard approaches.

2. At the same time, even though a particular plan may have worked for someone you know, don't assume that it will automatically work for you.

3. The parents must communicate well with each other for a major time-sharing arrangement to work.

4. Parents must be willing to live near each other and have a lot of contact after the divorce.

5. Counseling or co-parenting classes can help foster the right parental attitudes.

6. Parents probably need to consult with a child specialist to work out the details, especially if they try something really exotic. Keep in mind the children's ages and emotional development.

7. Always check with your attorney to find out if your judge is likely to accept what you are proposing.

Hopefully, you will come up with an appropriate, effective, comfortable plan for sharing time with your children in a less stressful and more supportive atmosphere for them.

Learn the Different Styles of Divorce Lawyers

Thanks to the mention by Stephen Worrell of the Georgia Family Law Blog, I saw Michael Sherman's post on the different styles of attorneys that are involved in family law cases. I have previously written on how some people do themselves a disservice by searching for "the meanest" lawyer in town, instead of looking for the most knowledgeable, experienced or effective lawyer for the particular type of case. Anyway, the following is Michael's original post, with an introduction by Stephen. As you will see, Michael has done a great job discussing the merits of each style of lawyering. It is interesting, and not surprising, that some people react the same way to family stress, whether they live in Atlanta, Mobile or Fort Worth.

"Michael Sherman of the Alabama Family Law Blog has posted a truly insightful article about the different styles of divorce attorneys. Like Michael, I am frequently asked by prospective divorce clients if I will be aggressive... or a pit bull... or a shark. They phrase it differently. But, many folks facing divorce think that what they need is the most aggressive divorce lawyer in Marietta, or Atlanta or in Georgia (or whatever jurisdiction they happen to be in).
Here is Michael's article:"

"In my years of divorce practice I have seen lots of lawyers handle divorce cases. There are as many different styles as there are different lawyers. But, I have also noticed three recurring styles of lawyer in particular. I call them the lamb, the pit bull and the fox.
"The lamb is the lawyer that just sort of goes with the flow. They are reactive, not proactive. They want to avoid confrontation at all costs and that means they also want to avoid going to court at all costs, even if it means convincing their clients to settle for significantly worse terms than they should. The lamb may even be afraid to try the divorce case. He will rarely, if ever, tell his client that he should not sign a settlement offer that is being extended from the other side even if that offer is clearly inequitable. Thankfully, there are not a lot of lambs that last very long as divorce lawyers.

"Much more prevalent is the pit bull, who is exactly the opposite. They hate to settle cases. In fact, some of them won’t do anything proactive to try to settle their divorce cases. It is almost as if they take some type of perverse joy in seeing the “blood running in the streets.” The truth is that often they do this simply to develop and maintain a reputation as “Bad Leroy Brown…baddest man in the whole damn town.” When a spouse is angry and in the emotional stage of wanting to exact revenge, they want to be the name on everyone’s lips when that aggrieved spouse asks their neighbor who is the meanest SOB in town. And, so they work hard to maintain that reputation because it makes them a lot of money.

"The sad part is that acting like a pit bull is rarely, if ever, in their own client’s best interests. Of course, the pit bull’s main concern is not their client. If you know anything about pit bulls, you will know that they are very aggressive and vicious. But, they are not thinking animals. They act only on instinct. When they fight, they not only destroy the dog they are fighting, but by their own actions hurt themselves and anything else around them (which often includes their own client’s and their client’s children).

"The pit bull is aggressive for the sake of being aggressive, not for any long-term benefit it brings their client. Often people going through divorce will think they need an aggressive lawyer to represent them in their divorce. They are wrong. What they need is a lawyer who is assertive. There is a difference. It is the difference between the pit bull and the fox.
"The fox is wise and cunning. He sees the big picture. The fox is assertive when he needs to be, compromising when it benefits his clients’ long-term best interests, and always aware of the many different consequences his actions have on his clients. He stands on principle. Yet, he is a strong advocate for his client when it promotes his client’s long-term best interests. He recognizes that reaching a fair settlement is always preferable to trying the case and leaving it up to the judge. Yet, he also knows that if a fair settlement is not forthcoming, then he must be willing and able to prepare to effectively litigate the case in court.

"When choosing a divorce lawyer, you should avoid the lamb and the pit bull at all costs. Instead, find yourself a fox."

Keeping in Touch with Your Lawyer

In almost every attorney-client relationship, the two parties need to have an understanding about how they will communicate with each other. Most attorneys have preferred means of communication, such as email, voice mail, scheduled phone conferences, etc. Clients usually have some systems that they prefer or may be more comfortable with. It's a good idea to have a discussion at the beginning of the attorney-client relationship as to how the parties will exchange information. Here are some approaches to consider and discuss. This is intended to be like a checklist, rather than some cutting-edge new information. The point is that the attorney and client need to start off with a clear idea about how much communication is needed or wanted and which method or methods would work best for the parties in this case. Here are some possibilities.

• Email. It's fast, cheap and it can be saved. Most people are comfortable with it, but some are not. It's a great way to send documents as well.
• Land Line Telephone. These seem to be disappearing, but for people who still have them, they are a convenient and dependable way to talk or leave a message (assuming there's an answer machine or voice mail).
• Cell Phone. It seems like almost everyone has one, but some people don't, or can't, have them turned on all the time. There are also sometimes problems with reception or dropped calls. I will not answer my cell phone (and often don't have it turned on) when I am at a meeting, when I'm at court, when I am with another client or if I am on the phone with someone else. (I also don't interrupt meals for phone calls.) Cell phones can be very convenient and for many people, they are the primary means of contact.
• Texting. While not everyone texts, more and more are doing it and it can be a quick and efficient means of communicating. It doesn't take a lot of expensive training, either. If the adults don't know how to text, almost any kid can teach them how to.
• Voice Mail at an Office. Almost any attorney's office will have a voice mail system that works well. Sometimes it is much easier to leave a long message on the voice mail than it is to write or use other methods. The key is to leave a detailed message and not just say, "I returned your call" or "Call me". Ask a question or leave information.
• Rely on Office Staff. There are many times when an attorney is tied up in court, is in a meeting or is just behind closed doors giving full attention to working on a project and can't be interrupted. Sometimes a client has a message which doesn't require talking directly to the attorney. In those situations, having the client talk directly with the staff in the office is the most efficient and effective means of communication. There are many questions that an experienced staff member can answer quickly for the client. Having a good relationship between the staff and a client makes communication easier for everyone.
• Snail Mail. Most attorneys still rely on regular U.S. Mail to send notices and copies of documents. More and more, attorneys use email, but almost everyone uses regular mail for some things. Make sure your attorney has a good postal address for you. Bonus Tip: If you get a letter, please be sure you open it and deal with whatever it discusses.
• Third Parties for Messages. I like to get the the name, address and phone number of a (preferably local) person who can always get a message to you. It's a low-tech backup system for me in case I'm not aware when your address, phone number, email, etc. have changed. (It happens.)

The list here is intended to help you think about the best way to keep in touch with your attorney. If your fee arrangement involves hourly charges by the attorney, you can probably save money by talking with the staff, instead of the attorney, or by using some of the other processes. However, there are times when the attorney and client just need to talk, so use whatever method works to set that up. One way to do that is to make a telephone appointment to speak at a specific date and time. If you have trouble getting in touch with the attorney, work with the staff to arrange the call. With as many options as there are, you should be able to find an approach that is workable for you and your attorney.

Confidentiality -- Can You Keep a Secret?

In the field of family law, many people have "situations" they would like to keep secret: embarrassing, inappropriate and sometimes illegal behavior. Unfortunately, confidentiality doesn't necessarily cover things just because they are embarrassing, inappropriate or illegal. In fact, those activities are often ones that draw the most interest in family law cases. It is usually pretty easy to establish the relevance to the case. For example, if there are kids and the matter relates to parenting somehow, it will probably be relevant to the case and may be admissible. If fault is being argued to justify an unequal division of the community estate, the bad activities may be part of the proof of fault, and therefore admissible.

Here are some quick thoughts about confidentiality.

• You should always assume that everyone will see, hear and read everything. Be careful what you do and say and write. It will likely be used against you in court. If you make threats, verbally or in writing, someone may have a video image (with a cell phone, everyone has a video camera now) or a document. Think, before you speak or act. Assume that whatever you do or say will be seen or reported in court.

• There is still attorney-client confidentiality, but not if you bring in a 3rd party (friend, parent, sister, etc.) to the conversation. You can also give up the confidentiality if you disclose the information to someone else. There is also no confidentiality for plans to commit future criminal offenses.

• It is a good idea to tell your attorney, in advance, the bad facts of your case. You may feel better just getting it off your chest, and the attorney has probably heard a whole lot worse stuff anyway. It takes a lot to shock an experienced attorney.

• Another advantage of telling the attorney is that s/he will have time to prepare a response for when it comes up in court. Actually, it is often a good strategy for your attorney to bring out your bad facts (in a controlled manner) to minimize the damage.

• Don't expect the husband-wife privilege to help you keep out bad statements in a divorce.

• Although it is relatively easy to do electronic snooping on a computer, by planting microphones or by hiding cameras, that does not make it legal. There are legal ways to search a computer (with a court order), but you should not try it on your own. Hiding microphone or cameras can get you into trouble for violating wiretapping and privacy laws, among other things.

• If you suspect you are being spied upon, you should immediately tell your attorney and then have an expert check it out. While you are in litigation, you should assume that whatever you say, do or write could show up in court, so be careful.

• If you are really concerned about privacy, you should consider using the Collaborative Law process because it provides a great deal of privacy. You can talk to your attorney at the outset about that option.

If you get involved in a litigated family law case, there will be very little privacy and limited confidentiality. You should be prudent in how you interact with others since whatever you do could easily show up in court.

What to Expect in the Tarrant County Family Law Courts

The Tarrant County Family Law Courts are a frequent subject for internet searches. That makes perfect sense when people face the prospect of having a judge make fundamental decisions about their lives. Everyone wants to know what to expect. This post is to give a brief overview of the Tarrant County divorce courts. Each person about to go to court should consult with his or her own attorney to specifically find out about the judges who will be involved in the case.

Location
The Tarrant County Family Law Courts are in the Tarrant County Family Law Center which is located at 200 E. Weatherford Street in downtown Fort Worth, Texas. There is a parking garage located in the next block east of the courthouse and there are parking meters all around the area. Even with all that parking, there are many mornings when the parking garage fills early and it seems that all convenient parking meters are taken. The lesson to be learned: Get there early!

Entrance
When you enter the Family Law Center, be prepared to go though metal detectors. It's not quite as bad as an airport, but the deputies are pretty thorough. Be prepared to take off your shoes, belts and jewelry. Pocket knives are not allowed. Briefcases, purses and other items will be x-rayed. It's a hassle, but there were several shootings at the courthouse before the metal detectors were set up.

First Floor
The 1st floor of the courthouse has two "IV D" (four D) courts. They are set up to collect child support and for paternity cases. Cases initiated by the Texas Attorney General are usually handled in those two courts. There is also a room with vending machines next to one of the IV D court waiting rooms.

Second Floor
The 2nd floor has the Domestic Relations Office. Family Court Service is on one side of the hall. They conduct social studies in custody cases and they also handle Access Facilitation matters (resolving visitation/possession issues). In addition, they supervise some visitations, manage drug testing, mediate some cases and do about anything else a judge wants them to do. On the other side of the hall is the child support office where payments can be made, child support probationers report and where a child support payment history can be obtained.

Third Floor
On the 3rd floor, the District Clerk has a file desk, a closed records section and an area with clerks for each court who manage the active court files. Pleadings are filed there and the clerks are responsible to maintaining the court files. Copies of court documents can be obtained there.

Fourth Floor
The 4th floor has the even-numbered courts: 322nd, 324th and 360th District Courts. Next to each of those courts is the Associate Judge's court for that court. The Associate Judges hear temporary matters, contempt or enforcement motions and a variety of other preliminary matters. They can hear final trials if both parties and the court agree. The District Court Judges normally hear final trials and some appeals from the Associate Courts, as well as some other preliminary matters.

Fifth Floor
The 5th floor has the odd-numbered courts: 231st, 233rd and the 325th District Courts. Associate Judges' courts are next the the District Courts on that floor as well. In addition, on both floors, each court has a Court Coordinator for the District and Associate Courts. The Coordinator schedules matters in each court.

Conference Rooms
Each court on both floors has two conference rooms right outside each courtroom and there are other conference rooms at other locations on both floors. Generally, more time is spent negotiating (and waiting) than is spent in actual court hearings, so the conference rooms are heavily used. Most matters are resolved at the courthouse through negotiations.

Bailiffs
Each court also has a Bailiff who is a Deputy Sheriff. You should do whatever the Bailiff tells you to do. If/when you are in a courtroom, turn off your cell phone. The world won't come to an end if you don't answer a call, but you will be in a world of trouble if the Judge hears your cell phone ringing.

Know What to Expect
This post gives you some idea about how to find your way around the Tarrant County Family Law Center in Fort Worth. If you have a case in the divorce courts, be sure to consult with your attorney before going to court. The courts begin at different times, usually at 8:30 or 9:00 a.m. Your attorney can tell you when to be at court. Each of the 14 judges is different and has a slightly different perspective on cases. It is very beneficial to have an experienced lawyer who knows the personality and point of view of each of the judges. Your lawyer should be able to tell you what to expect, what to emphasize and what to avoid. Experience and preparation are really important if you have to go to court. Choose your attorney carefully and then provide all the information you can so your lawyer can be prepared.

Finally, Expect Negotiations
It is normal for the attorneys for both parties to know each other and even be friends. They will probably also know the judge well. Since most cases settle by negotiation, it is natural and beneficial that the attorneys have a good working relationship. Don't be concerned if you see the attorneys talking with each other and not appearing angry or mean. A friendly, business-like approach is generally the most effective way to negotiate. That means a better result for you.

I Don't Like My Ex-Spouse's Vacation Plans (With the Kids)!

I recently spent several hours at the courthouse because my client's spouse wanted to control my client's summer vacation with the children. While there may have been mental health issues active in this case, it was not the first time that a parent had tried to prevent or control the other parent's summer vacation plans with the children. As in most cases, it was a futile exercise, wasting time and money for both parties. My client was unhappy about being in court and the other party was very unhappy about the outcome. It all could have been avoided.

Courts in Texas will rarely get involved in parental vacation plans, unless there is a real danger to the children. If a parent has plans to expose the children to a very dangerous situation, a court might act. If a parent just doesn't like the other parent's plans or doesn't like others who will be around the children, most courts won't get involved. Judges can recognize when someone is being controlling or acting as a bully, and they generally won't support such behavior. Generalized fears that a parent may be somewhat irresponsible or that a child will be homesick or that a child won't have a good time are not sufficient to warrant restricting a parent's vacation plans. Complaining that a parent or others will "bad mouth" the other parent will not be sufficient to force a change in plans. There are less drastic ways to deal with all those scenarios.

There are several possible things that could be going on when this issue arises:

• There could be a legitimate concern, with a factual basis, related to past events. The problem (from that parent's perspective) is that the expected harm must be certain and significant, and that's hard to prove.
• The child may be telling both parents different things and may have her own agenda in creating conflict.
• The child may be telling both parents different things and may just be trying to cope with pressure put on the child by one or both parents.
• One parent may really be afraid that the child will have a good time with the other parent and wants to prevent that.
• A parent may be selfishly wanting to spend the time with the child and therefore tries to create whatever barriers he can to prevent the child from being away.
• One parent may be trying to alienate the child from the other parent or the other parent's family or friends, so she tries to interfere with visits.
• One or both parents could be mentally ill or very immature.
• A parent may just want to continue past fights with the other parent and is using this as a tool.

What can you do in such a situation?

• Talk to the other parent. Try to reason with him or her. Be willing to provide lots of information, if that will help.
• Encourage the other parent to go to a counselor to discuss the problem in advance.
• Consider going to a mediator. Some therapists are also trained mediators and that can be a helpful combination.
• In Tarrant County, Texas, you can make an appointment with the Access Facilitator for your court. A trained social worker can often help you and the other parent resolve the matter without attorneys or court, and at no cost!
• Your last resort should be hiring attorneys. Most experienced attorneys can pretty quickly tell you what the outcome will be if you go to court, and most of the time, the answer is that the judge will not restrict vacation plans, unless there is a serious, immediate danger.

Good luck, and may common sense be with you!

Marriage Mediation

Sam Hasler, of Sam Hasler's Indiana Divorce & Family Law Blog, always has interesting articles on a variety of subjects. I have just read a recent post of his that has an excellent innovation. He apparently got the information from The Florida Divorce Blog, another good read. Sam's post is reproduced below:

"Here is an interesting idea from The Florida Divorce Blog - A Modern Spin on Marriage Counseling:

'Enter a modern spin on marriage counseling: Marital Mediation. Anyone familiar with the divorce process is likely acquainted with mediation in divorce cases. Well, a Connecticut mediator and social psychologist is applying mediation techniques to marriage counseling. The Marital Mediation process flushes out areas of conflict and fosters communication and negotiation, and facilitates agreements on mutually desirable corrective actions.'

"I know of no one offering this sort of service in Indiana but it seems like something that needs only someone to make the first move."

This seems like a great idea to me. In speaking with prospective new clients, I often have a feeling that there could be a way to save the marriage. Right now, I generally suggest counseling, and there are a number of good counselors in the area. Sometimes, though, an approach with a different orientation might be better, especially for some personalities. Some people, for example, see themselves as problem solvers and they can be uncomfortable in traditional counseling -- they may see it as wishy-washy or too undirected. A good mediator, with a counseling background, on the other hand, might really be able to help the parties in such a relationship.

Such counseling/mediation would be a little similar to a stripped-down version of Collaborative Law. They could start out determining what goals they have in common, then figure out what their issues are about and finally work to create new ways to solve the problems they identify and achieve their goals. It sounds like a great idea and I hope some counselors in this area will become interested in starting up such a practice.