The Top 10 Reasons Why People Don't Hire an Attorney

Many people facing difficult decisions have a hard time making the decision that they often know, down deep inside, that they need to make. Some people, at the beginning of a divorce or other family law issue, face that dilemma. Intellectually, they know what they need to do -- get started. They also know the first step is to hire an attorney. But, for a variety of reasons, they may have a really difficult time taking that step.

The following are 10 common reasons that people will use to convince themselves, or to give permission to themselves, to delay hiring an attorney. They know that once the attorney is hired, the process will begin. It's sometimes hard to face the changes that will follow, so they take the "easy way out" and put off the decision. If you are in that limbo, check the list here to see if any apply to you as you mull over your options and decide whether to hire an attorney.

1. You have now calmed down after you had gotten very upset following a discussion/argument with your spouse. It is a good idea to make important decisions when you are calm and rational, instead of while you are in the heat of a battle. Maybe it would have been a bad idea to start a divorce. On the other hand, you can think through a decision and carefully weigh the issues, looking at the pros and cons of different courses of action. If you decide against legal action after careful thought after you have calmed down, that likely is the right decision for you.

2. It could be a situation where someone else was pushing you to get started and they are not around now. Everyone has well-meaning "advisors", usually family and friends, who are willing to advise you and try to help you manage your life. Sometimes, without their encouragement and support, it's easy to change course and not do what you probably should be doing.

3. A very common affliction for people needing to make major decisions is procrastination. It seems like some people procrastinate more often than others, but everyone will put off difficult or momentous decisions at one time or another. Sometimes people get caught up in trying to gather all the information they can before deciding or they may come up with other reasons. Get help, if you need it, but make a decision.

4. Some aren't sure what they want to do, so they just want to think about it some more. That may be a form of procrastination, but it can be for other reasons. Leaving a marriage is an emotional decision as well as an rational decision. If a person has not reached the point of deciding that there is no hope for marriage, for example, it is very hard to take the step of hiring an attorney. This is a situation where the person may have to wait a little while and work through the emotions.

5. You can't get off work or you're sick or you have a sick child or other family member. Those are just excuses. You can figure out how to get off work. A sick person will get well or will improve to the point where you can take time away from them, or you can get someone to temporarily relieve you.

6. You don't want to be the one to file first. That is an important decision for some people. They are usually not aware of the fact that there are some advantages in court for being the one to file first. You should consult with an attorney and determine whether the advantages are important enough to you to go ahead and file.

7. You don't think you can get the money together to file. That can be a realistic consideration because attorneys can't work for free. On the other hand, different attorneys charge different retainers and hourly rates. Some may charge flat fees, although flat fees are not bargain rates or cheap -- they are just predictable because the attorney sets the total fee at the outset. The attorney may look over your situation and figure out where your fees can come from. Judges in Tarrant County divorce cases are pretty good about equalizing the fees available to each party. Don't let your perceived lack of funds keep you from talking to attorneys.

8. Your spouse said s/he would try to work out things with you informally or would s/he would "change" and the problems would go away. Maybe those things will happen, and maybe not. It's still best to have an attorney working with you to protect your interests.

9. You're not sure your family will want you to do this or you don't want to look bad to them. That could happen, but your family isn't the one living with your spouse or experiencing the problems you are experiencing. Your family probably doesn't know all the nitty-gritty details and they don't have the same consequences you see.

10. You trust your spouse and believe s/he and her/his attorney won't take advantage of you. Sometimes that works out, but why risk it? Your spouse, and especially her/his attorney, will understand your desire to have someone on your side. If they act upset, chances are they were planning to take advantage of you.

The bottom line is that if you are facing legal action for a divorce or other family law matter, you should consult with an attorney right to learn about your legal rights and opportunities and to discuss possible legal strategies. It is much better to plan ahead and be prepared. I have had people come in a month, two months or six months before filing, and they leave feeling better because they understand what's going on now and what their options are. You should meet with an attorney whenever you are in a similar situation.

Hopefully, this will provide some encouragement so that people will feel strong enough to take the step that will help them in the long run.

Gay Adoption -- Not an Issue in Texas?

A recent court decision in Florida has highlighted an issue that could be coming to Texas. As reported by NPR, the court found that a Florida statute prohibiting gay couples from adopting children was unconstitutional. In Florida, gay couples can be foster parents, but they were unable to legally adopt simply because of their sexual orientation.

Texas does not have a similar statute. There is no such automatic disqualification from adoption because of sexual orientation, but a judge in Texas might disapprove of such an adoption for reasons relating to the "best interests of the children".

It is possible that the Texas Legislature might try to outlaw gay adoption, but they don't need to now and there are certainly budgetary issues to be resolved next Spring, so it is unlikely that such a law will be passed in Texas in the next Legislature. It's likely that the Florida case will go to the Florida Supreme Court and could end up in the U.S. Supreme Court, so we will have to wait for the final word on the issue until the appeals end. In the meantime, don't expect much activity on the issue in Texas.

Thanks to Harry Tindall of Houston for the tip about the Florida story.

Divorce Insurance -- What Will be Next?

James Gross, who writes the Maryland Legal Crier blog, always comes up with interesting posts, and the following is one of the best. Here is a recent post by James:

"Want to buy some divorce insurance? Jennifer Saranow Schultz reports in the New York Times that SafeGuard Corp. of North Carolina is offering the world’s first divorce insurance called WedLock. For each $15.99 per month you pay, you can buy $1,250 in coverage. The benefit covers the costs of divorce such as lawyer fees or setting up a new home.

"Then, if you get divorced, you send Wedlock proof, and they’ll send you a check for the amount of insurance you purchased. You have to be married at least four years, however, before the payout. You can buy riders to shorten that to three years or get your premiums back if you don’t make it that long. Every year the company automatically adds another $250 to the coverage for each unit you buy.

"The company helpfully provides calculators on its site for Divorce Probability and Divorce Costs to help you figure out much insurance you need."

I don't know if the company is any good or if the insurance is worthwhile, but it's fun to use the calculators. You can do the calculations from your point of view and from your spouse's point of view. If you accurately record how your spouse would respond on the questions, you might be surprised at the difference in scores. It might get you thinking about things.

Since we now have these tools to predict the future, maybe someone will come up with a test you can take so you can learn how to correct your mistakes and fix any problems in your marriage. We can always hope!

How to Be Alone During Family Transitions

As Monty Python used to say, and now for something completely different. Today's post is not "legal" information. It's more from the "counselor at law" portion of my work.

Aside from the changes in your legal status, divorce brings a lot of emotional changes and most people have to learn how to start over in some ways. A problem I have seen over and over, with all kinds of clients, is the rebound relationship. Some people have trouble being alone and not being part of a relationship.

I recently saw a video poem about being alone and I thought it had a lot of good ideas. If you are experiencing a change in relationships, the following video might be very helpful for you.

Hopefully, the video will help with those times when your spouse or significant other, or your children, are not around and you are alone. It is just temporary, but it can be difficult if you are not prepared and you aren't used to being alone.

I thought the video was excellent -- let me know what you think.

How to Speed up Your Divorce

One of the most common questions clients have for their attorneys is how to speed up their divorce or other court case. This is very understandable since a family law case is usually unpleasant, expensive and slow-moving. It would be nice if there were some quick, easy answers to help speed things up. Unfortunately, there's no easy solution. However, even though there are no guarantees, but here are some things you can do to help the process.

• Be agreeable. That includes trying to be agreeable on issues, plans and solutions. Remember that you can't make the other party be reasonable, and let's not even think about "fair" (fair is in the eyes of the beholder). You should do your best to adapt and compromise. If you can't agree to what the other insists on, you should probably just plan to wait for the court date in the future.

• Be available. Make this case your priority and work your schedule around the court. It may not be convenient, but you may have to be inconvenienced if you want to speed up the process. Part of this is getting your preparation done in a timely manner so that you and your attorney can be ready for discussions or court. If you want your attorney to do all the work, it will cost you more time and money.

• Avoid fights with the other party. In a family law case, each side usually knows what will set off the other party. Honestly, you may feel some spark of vindication or something else if you take advantage of an opportunity to say something or to respond to provocation from the other side, but those exchanges usually escalate and the result is anger which makes it hard to settle the case. No settlement = a slower process. You can choose between fleeting gratification or a faster way to end the case.

• Figure out what motivates the other side and try to accommodate it. If you can come up with an agreement that meets the needs of the other side, you have a much better chance to achieve a quick resolution. Both sides always evaluation a proposal in terms of "what's in it for me?". If there's nothing, there's no agreement and you end up waiting for court.

These suggestions may seem very simple, but it's amazing how often people do just the opposite. If the suggestions don't work, there's still one more thing to do.

• As a last resort, set court dates. As much as I hate to recommend it, sometimes you have to have a deadline to force the other side to act. You can schedule various steps along the way to increase activity: temporary orders hearings, modification hearing, enforcement hearing, etc. Sometimes, you can get agreement finalized just by getting everyone to the courthouse on some small aspect of the case.

Caveat: You should avoid letting the other side know that you are anxious or desperate to get the case concluded. If they find out, it gives them a huge edge in negotiating because they can hold out for more and you will need to make concessions to get an early agreement. Be sure to keep a poker face as you try to speed things up!

Temporary Restraining Order (TRO)

In Texas, our Family Code provides standard language for restraining orders that can be requested and served on parties at the beginning of a divorce. To a layperson, the language may seem harsh and even accusatory. Parties who get served with a restraining order often read a lot of details into it and make a lot of assumptions. In the court system, however, little significance is attached to it.

A very common procedure is for a party to file for a divorce and request a temporary restraining order (TRO) and an order setting hearing. In some counties in Texas, there's an automatic order that goes into effect immediately against both parties (it's made "mutual"), to preserve the status quo. In Tarrant County, we don't have that immediate "standing order", but judges routinely grant TROs and then make them mutual at the first hearing date. In other words, the TRO is effective against the party who gets served with it, beginning with the time of service, and then the same language is normally applied against both parties when the judge starts making temporary orders.

Sometimes parties served with a TRO are worried that they have been accused of a wide range of bad acts. That's not the case. A TRO is just an example of a fairly common approach in the law that says "Don't do these things", without saying "I think you did these things in the past". TROs are routine and courts don't put any significance on them as far as proof, or even accusations, of past acts.

It's really like everyone is starting with a clean slate and the judge says to leave things as they are and don't do anything to harm the other party.

Bottom Line: Don't sweat it if you get served with a TRO. Take it to your lawyer and go over the details so you can comply with it in the future. Your reputation is still intact.

Who Should I Bring to Court?

Most non-Collaborative Law divorces in Tarrant County start out with a temporary hearing right away after the other spouse has been served with papers. Depending on what the issues are for court, you may feel the need to bring witnesses, especially if your close friends and family suggest it to you.

While witnesses are sometimes necessary, too much of a good thing can be bad. Here's a way to approach the decision on who should attend:

First, ASK YOUR ATTORNEY! It's not good to just surprise your attorney by bringing a whole crowd of witnesses and supporters. It's also not good to do nothing and not tell your attorney who you can bring. There may be some witnesses your attorney would appreciate knowing about, so discuss the facts and possible witnesses with your attorney, and then follow your attorney's advice on who to bring.

Second, bring people with personal knowledge of relevant facts who have been approved by your attorney. The witnesses, as much as possible, should be unblemished citizens of high character. If some of your witnesses have little "issues", you should inform your attorney well in advance. You might also vet your witnesses by looking them up on FaceBook, My Space and Google. Check their postings and pictures for embarrassing details. Print off what you find.

Third, don't bring the kids unless the judge has specifically requested it.

Fourth, don't bring a huge group of witnesses and supporters. The judge does not count the supporters for each side and make the larger group the winner. A big group is disruptive and can be loud. You don't need to have a lot of people showing up and giving you advice all day at court. You just need to work with your lawyer.

Fifth, bring all necessary documents that you have. Telling the judge that you can go home or go to your pick up to get the records won't help. The only thing that counts is what is presented in court. As the Scouts say, Be Prepared! Bring whatever you may need and share it with your attorney.

Your day in court will be a lot easier if you discuss your questions, especially ones about witnesses, in advance with your attorney. Good luck!

Tips for Avoiding Holiday Explosions

Traditionally, holidays present an opportunity for family fun and relaxation or for conflict. Families tend to create their own hierarchy of preferred holidays. Work and vacation schedules have a major influence on whether certain holidays are important or not for a family. Once there is a divorce or a court order to manage child possession schedules, conflicts sometimes surface.

Court orders tend to create some arbitrary divisions of holidays, and sometimes that's the best approach because the parties just will not agree on anything. In a more mature environment, however, there are ways to minimize the conflict. With the 4th of July approaching, here's some tips to keep in mind to help maintain a peaceful holiday.

• Plan ahead. If you can work out plans well in advance, that will reduce everyone's stress. Waiting until the last minute probably means that plans have already be made by everyone and that someone will be unhappy about changing. While you may not be able to plan ahead all the time, it's always a good idea to start weeks or months ahead of the holiday. It will be easier to coordinate schedules and activities and to come up with alternatives.

• Keep things in perspective. Remember that holidays come around every year and that it's often easy to have family events on nearby dates, if the holiday "belongs" to someone else this year.

• Communicate. There are often ways to work things out if everyone can just talk directly -- and nicely. Don't make assumptions about what other people are doing or about their motivations. Sometimes people get all upset thinking about something when the issues could be worked out by a discussion.

• Be respectful. No matter who has primary custody or what label is attached to a party, think about how you would like to be approached. Making demands or criticizing the other parent (or their family) or whining are not winning strategies. If you want a favor, be humble.

• Think about the kids. This shouldn't be a contest of wills between two adults. It shouldn't be a question of who has the superior "ownership" of a time period. Hopefully, any special requests made will really be a benefit for the children. If the parents will analyze the situation in light of the children's best interests, many fights can be avoided.

Reasonable parents should be able to work out conflicting holiday schedules if they approach the other parent as they would want to be approached. Keeping these suggestions in mind should give parties a good chance of resolving scheduling issues before the fireworks really begin!

What are Your Options to Resolve Family Law Cases?

When suddenly (or even gradually) faced with the prospect of a divorce or other major family change, many people begin to wonder what their options are. It is a very common question I hear from prospective clients. Very simply, there is a range of methods that can be employed to resolve family law matters.

Kitchen Table. In some cases, spouses can sit down together and work out agreements on all major issues on their own. Those cases involve relatively mature and intelligent people who are beyond the anger stage of the divorce process. It can be a great way to resolve issues while maintaining family relationships.

Mediation. In California and some other states, it is fairly common for the parties to go to a mediator without using attorneys and work out an agreement. In Texas, that rarely happens, but we use mediation in virtually all non-Collaborative divorces. It usually takes place after some court hearings and the completion of discovery (the exchange of information). Each party attends with an attorney and it is a very effective process in most cases.

Collaborative Law. When both parties want to try this, it can be an excellent method of reaching agreements. The parties agree to not go to court and work toward an agreement by having a series of face-to-face meetings with the parties, attorneys and other professionals. See my other blog for more information.

Arbitration. Although this is not very common in Texas, it can be a means to avoid the delays of the court system. A hired arbitrator hears testimony, reviews evidence and rules on contested issues. It can be expensive, but it is relatively quicker than a litigated divorce and might be cheaper.

Litigation. This is the most commonly used process in Texas. One side files for a divorce and usually serves papers on the other party. A temporary hearing is usually held to set up orders for while the divorce is pending. It usually takes about a year to get a contested divorce in Tarrant County. It often is resolved through mediation, but that most often occurs late in the process.

If you need to resolve a family law issue, you should think about and research the above approaches and then talk with a lawyer to get advice for your specific situation.

Do You Need a Lawyer for Mediation?

The Jacksonville Divorce Lawyer Blog recently asked this question in the context of a Florida divorce. Their answer was the same as ours: legally, you aren't required to have an attorney for mediation, but you really should have one with you. As they pointed out, there are several important functions an attorney will carry out for you. Here are some of their ideas, with some of mine, for what an attorney brings to mediation:

Give you an overview of the process. There are different ways to conduct a mediation and a Tarrant County divorce lawyer can tell you how mediation is normally practiced here. The process may be followed a little differently in other areas of the state.

Help you select an appropriate mediator. Just like everyone else, mediators bring different experience, knowledge and personalities to the process. To put it another way, "one size doesn't fit all". It helps to have an experienced attorney who knows the mediators in Tarrant County who can help you choose the best mediator for your case. That decision alone can have a dramatic effect on your case.

Help you create and understand your options. Part of the mediation process is developing and evaluating options for settlement. An experienced family lawyer can help you create and select appropriate solutions.

Be a legal advisor. One of the primary roles of your attorney is to explain the law to you and answer any questions you have about how the law applies to your case.

Help you evaluate the offers on the table. Your attorney will ultimately have to give you advice, based on the attorney's knowledge and experience, about the advantages and disadvantages of any offers of settlement that you make or receive. The decision on whether to make or accept an offer always belongs to the client, but it's a good idea to consider the advice of your attorney. Lawyers typically look for what can go wrong with a deal, and that's a good thing to listen to when you may be anxious to settle.

Thus, while you can technically go to mediation without an attorney, you are better off having an experienced Tarrant County attorney to help you prepare and then to go through the process with you.